Feeling Mixed Emotions About Pregnancy

Finding out you are pregnant is one of those lump-in-your-throat moments. Whether you’ve spent years trying, or are facing an unplanned pregnancy, you may find yourself feeling mixed emotions. That’s normal, most women find themselves on a roller coaster ride of emotions during those first few weeks of pregnancy, or longer.

Mixed emotions aren’t just for women facing unplanned pregnancies, even if you were crossing your fingers and toes for a little blue line, you may now find yourself feeling a little deflated. After all, your pipe dream has suddenly become very real, it’s normal to feel a little apprehensive. Some of the emotions commonly experienced in those first few weeks after a positive pregnancy test include:

Happy – if this pregnancy was long awaited, you are likely to feel incredibly happy that you are pregnant. Even if this pregnancy was a complete shock, you are still likely to feel happy about the prospect of being pregnant. During moments of happiness, focus on yourself and your developing baby, and try to remember all the reasons you have to feel happy about the pregnancy.

Upset – it’s normal to grieve the loss of an old life. After all, you’ve just discovered that for the next nine months, alcohol, your favourite cheese and pate are off the menu. You may be worried about growing out of your clothes, and morphing into a pregnant woman.

Scared – pretty much all pregnant women feel scared at some point. You may be scared about the pregnancy, worried about the birth, or terrified that you won’t be a good mother. A little bit of fear is a normal part of pregnancy, especially during the first few weeks as you adjust to the news. If it is keeping you awake at night, affecting your appetite or leaving you unable to concentrate, speak to your healthcare provider for advice.

Guilty – chances are, if you’re feeling upset and scared, you may also be feeling guilty. Motherhood guilt will last you a lifetime, and sadly it starts as early as that little blue line on your pregnancy test. Try not to feel guilty for having mixed emotions about the pregnancy. Remember that it’s ok to not be 100% happy all of the time. Not only are you at the start of a life-changing journey, but you’re also experiencing the emotional roller coaster associated with the hormone increases of early pregnancy.

Unprepared – this emotion is particularly strong for women facing unplanned pregnancies. You may be worried this is the wrong time, or that you’re not ready to be a mother. But, as your planned pregnancy counterparts will tell you, they are thinking all the same things. Having a baby is a huge step, and self-doubt is a normal part of this. Whenever you feel worried and unprepared, do something proactive to help you get ready for motherhood.

Angry – if the pregnancy came as a surprise, you may be feeling angry that this has happened. Perhaps you are angry with yourself, or angry with the father, or simply angry at the situation. There’s nothing wrong with feeling angry when life throws you a curveball, but it’s not a particularly helpful emotion. Try to channel your energy into something more productive, like planning the nursery or working out how you will cope as a new mum.

Isolated – during the first trimester, as you battle with mixed emotions, you may also be keeping your pregnancy secret. This can lead to feelings of isolation. If you don’t want to tell all of your friends and family just yet, why not tell just one person so that you can talk about your feelings. Some people cherish the secret during those first three months, but if you are finding yourself struggling without the advice and support of your best friend, it might be time to break the news.

Coping with mixed emotions
It may not be something that many women talk about publicly, but feeling mixed emotions about pregnancy is pretty common. The best thing to do is talk about it. Find someone you trust, and tell them exactly how you feel. This could be your partner, best friend, a counsellor, your healthcare professional or a total strange on an online forum. Talking about how you feel should help you to start making sense of your mixed emotions about pregnancy.

How did you feel when you discovered you were pregnant?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Fiona PeacockFeeling Mixed Emotions About Pregnancy

Comments 16

  1. Pingback: First Pregnancy: Tips to Help You Feel Less Anxious About It | Formal Prom Dresses

  2. Lisa

    Already have a 9yr old and a 4yr old. This pregnancy was not planned. I have really bad neausea and a spitting condition. I cant help but wonder if i have made a mistake. I have never believed that pregnancy is an illness but this time round i really do feel ill and weak. I have lost over a stone in weight. I feel i cant give my otjer 2 the attention they deserve and need. Although they are very helpful and very excited. I hope the neausea and these negative feelings go away soon 🙁

  3. ganesh

    My wife is pregnant.his 9 week completed and check a ultrasound so doctor told twin fetus please guide about twin beby and its growth because her one is weak?
    Please guide

  4. Cristy

    When I first took a test and got that positive sign. I was really scared and shocked. I showed my boyfriend and he was shocked and had tears of joy. Now Im 8wks and we have kept it a secret for so long and planning on telling everyone on Christmas!

  5. carissa

    I am 5 weeks and 4 days I’m scared happy and nervous all at the same time. I feel unprepared for this but I’m glad it happened.

  6. Nicole

    I’m almost 13 weeks and almost 33 yes old. I have a long list of medical issues so nervous doesn’t begin to describe my emotions. I also feel guilty for missing my old life. Not that I partied all the time, but I could do what I wanted whenever I wanted. I’m glad to read that others are feeling the same way. It doesn’t feel “real” yet, but slowly but surely I’m sure it will 🙂

  7. kenzie

    Well honestly when I first found out, I was n very nervous for the first 3 days. Me and my husband were planning and the thought of having a baby was wonderful, but the moment I found out I was terrified. But now I am 5w3days and I couldn’t be happier, the morning sickness and mild cramping sucks but I know in the end, we’ll have a beautiful baby boy or girl !!.

  8. Alicia

    We have tried for 6 years and this was our first go at IVF. I’m currently 8 wks and even though I had a scan a week ago I still don’t believe it’s real. I have very few symptoms and most days I just don’t feel pregnant! Although people say be happy about the lack of symptoms, it just worries me that my hormones aren’t strong enough or something is wrong.

    I come from a long line if miscarriage and stillbirth so I know even beyond 12 wks I’m still going to be a nervous wreck!

    I always thought I would be happier when I found out and throughout my pregnancy but I think the nerves and previous disappointment of failed fertility treatment have stolen that happiness.

  9. Skye

    My pregnancy was completely unplanned. I was No longer with the father, had just entered a new relationship, and had just came back to school after taking a semester off. Not to mention I had just gotten a new apartment and a new job. I also found out 3 days after I turned 21. So needless to say, I was terrified and extremely angry with myself.
    On the other hand, I got extremely lucky. My wonderful boyfriend has stuck by me, and has done everything in his power to help, taking on this responsibility as if the child is his own. I was classified high risk right off the bat, due to being diabetic and having heart issues, and my awesome parents took me in and my mom got me a job as a receptionist at an elementary school so I could still work. I’m 13 weeks now, and I’m so happy and excited for this baby to get here!

  10. Kia

    Its super early in my pregnancy and im terrified. Really hope the constant sickness gets better but its worth it for my person inside.

  11. Brittany

    I am also due in April 2015 I’ve had some ups and downs with going to the dr I’m mainly nervous because I have to see two of them my reg dr and a specialist because I have fibroids. Me and my partner were trying to get pregnant but I had no idea of the fibriods. It kind of makes me feel guilty to add another life to this situation because if something goes wrong I couldn’t forgive myself. I believe everything happens for a reason.. The month I got pregnant I didn’t even have a period so it was kind of like a miracle to me.

  12. Veronica K

    My boyfriend and I had been trying to get pregnant but had recently stopped talking about it as much. As soon as I put it in the back of my mind, it happened and we couldn’t be happier! I’m 4 months along and so far this journey has been good to me but this is our first and I’ll admit I’m very nervous & scared about doing things right & what’s to come. April 2015 cannot get here soon enough!

  13. Dee Dee

    So many wonderful stories!! Thank u ladies for sharing. As for me, I’m a single mom of 4 1/2, currently 5w4d with my 5th bean. My biggest fear at the moment is having a miscarriage, I had 2 in 2007. My ex and I split and I think I’m happier without his cruel words and harsh treatment. Just ready to hold my baby and be the best single mom I can be with Gods help

  14. tia

    Mine was unplanned. I found out after work one night and was in complete shock the whole way home. I was scared about was to come but am extremely excited and happy now I’m due in a month. It really is a life changing experience no matter what situation you are in. I’m a 21 yr old single mum and was very unprepared so if I can do it and have a positive experience in the end anyone can!

  15. ibiza

    Happy but very suprised!!! ENJOYING IT A LOT.
    Scared sometimes.

    10 weeks left to hold my baby in my arms. I can not wait!

  16. chrissi

    I found out in march this year. To be honest it was an all over the place feeling. I just had a miscarriage a month and a half prior and my familys reaction wasn’t the most wanted of reactions. So when I found out this time I was happy cause this is what I hoped for but upset due to my family. The father and I were engaged at the time and we wanted this. Though throughout the pregnancy I’ve been back and forth due to the situation im now in. My family is happy but in month three the daddy and I split due to his 360 degree change about it. I go through days where I wonder if this was the right time but the little boy in my tummy has already become my best friend. Even if he has me attached to a zofran pump haha!