You wait 9 long months. You write a birth plan and attend childbirth classes. You practice relaxation exercises and get your birth partner on board. Then birth happens. Maybe you have a long labor – or even a very short one. Maybe it was more difficult than you imagined, or you felt violated in some way by the healthcare system or providers. Maybe you needed an unplanned cesarean surgery. Maybe baby or you were in need of advanced medical care afterwards.

Whatever the situation, you look down at the baby in your arms and wonder why you feel so bad about your birth experience.

Birth is an amazing, transformative experience. Birth changes you from a woman to a mother. And it profoundly affects how you feel about your own mind and body – was it an empowering experience or was it disabling? Did it leave you feeling like you can conquer the world, or like you want to crawl into a cave to hide? How we perceive our births changes how we feel about ourselves and our babies.

Postpartum hormones may be partially to blame for your weepiness or feelings of sadness or inadequacy in the days after birth. But your lived experience is also in play. Renowned pediatrician, William Sears, writes, “It’s okay to be happy about your healthy baby but sad about your birth. Unresolved birth memories have a way of gnawing at your insides, affecting your sense of who you are.” Dealing with those feelings is an important step in moving forward as a mom.

Emotions are subjective – there’s no right or wrong way to feel about your birth. There’s only the reality of how it feels for you. Once you accept that, you can work to heal. If you’re having trouble getting past your birth experience, try one or more of the following:

Forgive yourself: Labor and birth are unpredictable. While you can plan for what you might do in certain situation, you cannot control every aspect. Don’t blame yourself for things that did not go as planned. Let go of all the “If only I had …” thoughts.

Get the details: Ask your partner, doula or healthcare provider to tell you about your birth with just the facts. Or obtain your medical records. Don’t judge any of the details, just record them as you’re told. Consider what you remember and write that down. Once you have a detailed chronology of how your birth unfolded, you can better explore where your feelings of anger, resentment or inadequacy come from.

Grieve the loss: You may wonder why you would grieve if you’ve got a beautiful baby at home. But the feelings of loss may be the same – you are grieving the loss of the woman you imagined yourself to be. And while that self-image doesn’t define who you are, it can impact how you interact with others, including your baby. Stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You may go through only some of these stages, or you may experience them all. They are not likely to come in any certain order. Every woman’s grieving experience is different – there are no set rules.

Talk it out: Whether you attend a local support group or find an online forum, you will learn that many women have a less-than-desired birth. Just talking about your birth with others who can empathize helps you to work through your feelings about the experience. Or you might feel more comfortable talking to people you feel closest to: your partner, your own mother, or a close friend. If you cannot get past your feelings of loss or grief, professional counseling may be useful.

Change your story: Start by putting your story down on paper. Write it all out – the good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t censor yourself. Think about how you feel in the retelling, but don’t let that change what you’re writing. Notice what parts make you feel judgmental of yourself, and which parts make you happy, relieved or grateful. Then set it aside for a few days. Now go back and reread. What parts still bother you, and what parts have you forgiven? Think about how you might choose different words to describe your experience, and whether that changes how you feel about the event. Or take the parts about which you still feel negative and brainstorm what you have learned from them.

Tincture of time: As time passes, and as your mothering experience grows and expands with your baby, the details of your birth will lose their rough edges. You may still look back on them with regret, but the sensations won’t necessarily be so visceral. Keep in mind post-traumatic stress disorder may be a consequence of a bad birth experience. Dealing with your feelings – whether on your own or with professional help – is important so that the memories triggered with a future pregnancy or birth don’t lead to complications.

If healing is taking longer than expected or if you think you have symptoms of postpartum depression, consider professional support. (For more information about postpartum mood disorders, visit Postpartum Support International).

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

When you imagine life with a new baby, do you picture a softened image with mom sitting in a rocking chair next to a sunlit window covered with gauzy curtains with a sleeping baby in her arms and an angelic smile on her face? While having a new baby is a wonderful life event, the nitty-gritty, day-to-day details are maybe not so glamorous.

Babies change everything. While your pre-baby life may have been organized and routine, your life now is anything but that. It’s 4pm and you’re still in your pajamas and haven’t yet brushed your teeth. You’re hungry but have no idea what you’ll fix for dinner, or if you even have the energy to cook. You want to go to sleep but know baby will wake any minute. Instead of resting, you’ve used this naptime to catch up on returning emails. What now?

You may need to make some adjustments to help you cope. Here’s what you can do to survive the early days with your newborn:

• Sleep when baby sleeps: don’t use naptime to catch up on chores, sleep instead. If you can’t sleep, at least rest. Dim the lights, turn on quiet music, and close your eyes.
• Limit visitors in the early weeks: everyone wants to see a new baby, but playing hostess can be tiring. If you do have guests, stay in your pajamas as a cue that they’re not to stay long. Consider asking friends and family to pitch in with the work you can’t get done – ask them to tidy up the dishes in the sink or put in a load of laundry.
• Eat well and stay hydrated: keep a drink at hand, as well as lots of healthy snacks you can eat with one hand (while holding baby in the other!)
• Get some exercise and fresh air: even if you simply stand on your back porch for 10 minutes, the fresh air will do you good. If you’re up for it, take a short walk around your neighborhood with baby in a sling or stroller. Baby may sleep longer, and it may be easier for you to rest afterwards.
• Be gentle on yourself: let go of rules and expectations about life with baby. You’re just learning – even if you have older children, this baby has a completely new personality you need to learn.
• Remember your relaxation exercises: if you took a childbirth class and learned breathing exercises or other forms of relaxation, practice them now, too.
• Communicate with your partner: don’t let small resentments flourish. Instead talk about anything that’s bothering you.
• Find peer support: find a mom and a baby playgroup, a breastfeeding support group, or just go to the park or library children’s department and make the effort to talk to other moms.
• Get help: whether you need help with housekeeping, baby care, depression, or breastfeeding, find the right support person. Your childbirth educator, lactation consultant, midwife or obstetrician are all good sources of information for what’s available in your community.

Most of all trust yourself and enjoy your baby! You don’t have to get everything ‘right’ – parenting isn’t a test. Pretty soon things will start to settle into a more predictable routine, and those early days and weeks will be a blur you look back on with fondness.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

The first few months after birth can be considered a 4^th trimester for you and your baby. As he adjusts to the outside world, your baby still expects many of the same comforts of the womb he had in the 3^rd trimester. Frequent feeding is just one of those. Being held all the time is another.

Parents sometimes find their newborn babies stay calmer and fuss less when swaddled much of the time, since swaddling mimics being held tight in the womb. While being held in the arms of a caregiver is preferred, swaddling can allow you some time with your hands free!

Here are some tips and tricks to make swaddling work for you:

• Use a light blanket for swaddling – dress baby lightly underneath the swaddling blanket, keep the room temperature comfortable, and watch for signs of overheating, such as warm/hot skin, flushed cheeks, heat rashes or rapid breathing.
• Consider baby’s hands – Some babies like to have their hands near their faces when swaddled, rather than having them trapped in the tight blanket. Try both ways to see what works for you.
• Keep hip health in mind – hip dysplasia has been linked to too-tight swaddling. Keep baby’s legs in a “frog” position – with the legs bent and out at the hips – or allow them to be loose so baby can find a naturally comfortable position.
• Keep the blanket from touching baby’s cheek or mouth – this could prompt the rooting reflex which may be counterproductive to calming.
• Always place your baby on his back to sleep, even when he is swaddled.
• Avoid a too-tight blanket – you should be able to get a couple of fingers between the blanket and the baby.
• Avoid a too-loose blanket – the blanket itself can pose a suffocation risk if baby can wriggle free.
• Watch for hunger cues – swaddled babies may sleep longer and deeper, but this may be detrimental to your milk supply and baby’s growth. A swaddled baby may need to be awakened to eat.
• Swaddle selectively – use it as a calming tool, but let baby move his arms and legs when he’s awake and alert.
• Don’t swaddle forever – Once your baby can roll over on his own (typically between 4 and 6 months), it’s best to stop swaddling.  If he’s swaddled he may have difficulties breathing, when he rolls over onto his tummy.

An option to swaddling your baby is to wear your baby in a carrier, such as a sling or wrap. This allows baby to be in a womb-like cocoon while at the same time feeling your movements and your warmth, and hearing your heartbeat and your voice – all of which is calming to a newborn.

Whether you choose swaddling or babywearing, remember that one comforting method won’t work all the time. As you get to know your baby, you’ll learn what works best for him and for you.

Have you been swaddling your baby? What tips do you have for new moms?

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Disposable diapers can be used once then thrown away and forgotten about. Washable cloth diapers could last your baby a lifetime (well, until potty training), but are they worth the extra effort? What you decide to put on your baby’s bottom is up to you. You’re the parent and this is your decision to make. Here are just a few of the arguments for and against each type of diaper to help you reach a decision.

Disposable Diapers

The pros:

• They’re disposable – they can be thrown away. All you need to do is scoop the poop into a toilet and then you can chuck the diaper into a bin without giving it a second thought.
• The convenience – if you’re using disposables, you won’t need to carry dirty diapers around with you. Once they’re soiled, you can simply chuck them away and continue with your day a diaper lighter.
• They can be more absorbent – many parents feel that disposable diapers are more absorbent thanks to the technologies used in their production.
• They’re easy to find – you should be able to find your brand of choice at most supermarkets, allowing you to stock up easily.
• You don’t have to wash them – some parents feel they have enough washing to do as it is without adding in an extra load.

The cons:

• The environmental impact – a disposable diaper can sit in landfill for generations before it decomposes. They release harmful gases into the environment as they decompose.
• The cost – your baby may go through 3,000 diapers during that first year of life (yes, you read that right). The cost can soon add up with disposable diapers.
• They contain chemicals – disposable diapers contain chemicals that you may prefer to keep away from your baby’s skin.

Washable Diapers

The pros:

• The cost – it is generally believed to be more cost effective to use washable diapers even when considering the cost of washing and drying.
• They’re safe for your baby’s skin – you can buy organic washable diapers that contain no harmful chemicals or additives.
• They can be used for additional siblings – if you have another baby in the future, you’ll be able to reuse the same washable diapers allowing you to save even more money.

The cons:

• You can’t throw them away – after a particularly nasty diaper change, you can’t simply chuck a washable diaper in the bin. Instead you’ll need to wash and dry the diaper so it can be used again.
• You’ll have to wash them – it may be just an extra load every couple of days, but it’s something you need to consider when deciding which diapers to choose.
• The cost – though they are cheaper in the long run, washable diapers will cost you more upfront.
• They’re not as convenient – if you’re out and about, you’ll end up with a little bag of dirty diapers about your person.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing

Some parents choose to use both disposable and washable diapers. This helps them to reduce their environmental impact whilst enjoying the benefits of disposable diapers on occasion. Some parents opt for disposable diapers whilst out and about but use washables at home.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Parenting a newborn baby is 30% cuddles, 30% diaper changes, 30% feeding and 10% obsessively googling baby poop on your phone. If you find yourself obsessing over the content of your baby’s diaper, don’t worry, you’re exhibiting totally accepted new parent behavior.

You’ve probably already discovered that changing diapers isn’t really one of the parenting highlights. In fact, you may have already tried to hand this job over to your partner. After all, it’s not really fair he misses out on the joys of breastfeeding, this way he gets his own special bonding activity.

Newborn babies poop a lot, but they will go less frequently after the first few weeks of life. This provides ample opportunity for you to stare into the murky abyss of your baby’s diaper and worry about the contents. As a general rule, if your baby is producing plenty of wet diapers and growing well, you don’t have much to worry about. If you do feel concerned, however, it’s always worth speaking to your healthcare provider for reassurance.

What should baby poop look like?

For the first couple of days, your baby will produce some stomach-turning poops. These dark, tarry monstrosities are known as meconium. These poops were already in your baby’s bowels at the time of birth. Your baby’s first gift to you, if you will. If these early stools are laced with blood or mucus, you should call your healthcare provider for advice.

For the next few days after that, your baby’s stools will look green in color. These are known as ‘changing stools’ as your baby starts drinking more milk. This change can happen earlier in formula-fed babies. By day five or six, your baby’s poops will be yellow because all of the meconium will have been expelled from his system. They may appear seedy and look a little bit like wholegrain mustard (sorry, you’ll have to find a new condiment to flavor your sandwiches with).

Formula-fed babies may poop less often than their breastfed counterparts. Formula-fed babies are also said to produce stronger smelling stools. If you switch from breast to formula feeding you will probably notice a change in your baby’s stools. They are likely to become darker and stronger smelling.

When to seek help

You’ll soon adjust to your baby’s poop routine, and you’ll know when something isn’t right. If you are concerned about your baby’s stools, mention this to your family doctor as soon as possible.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

After you had your baby, you knew it would take a bit to get your abs back in shape. While you knew you would not have a six-pack right after giving birth, split stomach muscles were probably not something you expected. The technical term for split stomach muscles is diastasis recti, and although it may sound alarming, it’s fairly common after pregnancy. About one-third of woman develop split stomach muscles during pregnancy.

If you’re wondering how your muscles could split, it’s helpful to understand a little anatomy. Your abdominal area consists of four layers of muscles. The top layer of muscle is called the rectus abdominis and it has two halves. During pregnancy, as your uterus grew, it may have pushed the two rectus abdominis muscles part creating the separation or split. Any pregnant woman can develop split stomach muscles, but it is more likely to happen if you had a large baby, twins or previous pregnancies.

Although split stomach muscles most commonly develop during the last trimester, most new moms don’t notice it until after delivery. There are a couple of ways to tell if you have split stomach muscles. For example, you may notice a bulge below or above your belly button. The widened space between your left and right rectus abdominis muscles may cause your stomach to pooch out a bit, creating the bulge.

You may also be able to feel the separation. Lie on your back, with your knees slightly bent and your feet flat on the floor. Take three fingers and place them on your belly button pointing downward. Push down into your stomach and lift your head off the ground.

If you feel a gap greater than two to three finger widths, you may have split stomach muscles. But the best way to determine if you have diastasis recti is through an exam by your healthcare provider.

Depending on the size of the separation, the gap between the muscles may lessen a few months after giving birth. But in some cases, the separation can remain even a year after giving birth. Although not all women have problems associated with split stomach muscles, it can lead to back pain, weakened pelvic floor muscles and a stubborn post-pregnancy pooch.

If you do have diastasis recti, talk to your doctor before doing any abdominal exercises. Your healthcare provider may give you special instructions or teach you certain exercises that may strengthen your abs and help repair split stomach muscles. In severe cases you may need surgery, when the rectus abdominis muscle separates more than 2.7 cm

Written by MaryAnn DePietro @ writerlady34

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Between changing hormone, sleep deprivation and caring for a newborn, sex may not top your priority list right now. But don’t worry. At some point, you’ll probably feel a spark and want to get intimate with your partner again.

Take Your Time

Some women, feel great soon after they have their baby. But for others, it takes a little while to feel back to normal. Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section, your healthcare provider will likely recommend you wait four to six weeks to have sex. Doctors usually recommend that women avoid sex in the first six weeks postpartum, both to promote healing and to reduce the risk of infection.

Even if you’re feeling frisky sooner, there are a few good reasons to hold off on lovemaking. For example, your cervix goes through changes during childbirth and needs time to heal. Plus, while you are healing, your uterus is more susceptible to infection. Sex can also interfere with proper healing if you had a tear or episiotomy.

But even after you are given the green light, you might not feel very sexy. It’s important to set your own timeline for postpartum sex. If you don’t quite have that loving feeling as soon as you hit six weeks postpartum, talk to your partner and explain how you feel. Communication is key to preventing hurt feelings.

Finding Your Groove

Instead of putting pressure on yourself to have sex, start by spending some alone time with your partner. Don’t put expectations on what will happen. Just try to relax and enjoy your partner’s company. Talk, give each other a massage or have a glass of wine. If you give sex a try and need to scrub the mission due to discomfort, try again another time. It may take a little while, but you’ll find your groove!

Keep in mind, hormones can lead to vaginal dryness, especially if you are breastfeeding. Take it slow and consider using a water-based lubricant to ease discomfort. It’s also essential to be open with your partner and tell him if something is uncomfortable.

Think Contraception

Don’t get fooled into thinking you are not fertile just because you are breastfeeding or have not had a period since you delivered. It is possible to ovulate even as early as four weeks after you deliver.

Depending on what type of birth control you used prior to pregnancy, you may be able to continue to use that method. But there are a few things to be aware of. If you used a diaphragm, you need to be refitted again about six weeks after you deliver.

Certain types of birth control pills, such as those containing estrogen only, may interfere with milk production and breastfeeding. Your best bet is to discuss your contraception options with your doctor.

Written by Mary Ann DePietro @writerlady34

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.