Making the leap from a family of three to a family of four, or more, can be daunting for parents. You may be worried about how you will cope with the sleepless nights now that you have a toddler to look after as well. Or how, in the midst of those first few weeks, you will find the energy and time to properly care for your existing child, considering that last time you struggled to find the time to feed yourself.

Your biggest worry though, the one that keeps you awake at night, is how your first child will feel when the new baby arrives. How can you avoid feelings of resentment building up, or your eldest feeling left out? What steps can you take to lay the foundations for a loving and respectful sibling relationship? Here are five tips to prepare your child for a new baby:

1. Involvement – the first way to stop your child feeling left out is to actively involve him. This could include taking your child to midwife appointments, if practical, and accompanying you to antenatal scans. You could use a pregnancy week by week book to research the baby’s development together each week. Towards the end of the pregnancy, you may like to get your child involved in choosing items for the nursery. The level of involvement will depend on your child’s age.
2. Bonding – bonding with your bump is a great way to build a good relationship between siblings. Not only will it help him adjust to the idea of a sibling, it will help the baby to recognise his voice after the birth. Ask him to read or talk to the bump for a few minutes each day. If the baby has an active period during the day, you could try it then so that your child can feel the baby’s kicks and movements responding to his voice.
3. Communication – your child is likely to have a lot of questions about the new baby, including questions like “but how did it get in your tummy?” and, “how will it get out?”. Children are naturally inquisitive and love learning new things. Try to answer the questions as honestly as you can, or you could research it together using age-appropriate books if you prefer.
4. Hospital – if you are planning to give birth in the hospital, the separation from you will be difficult for your child. Make sure your child will be looked after by someone he trusts and enjoys spending time with. Prepare him for the separation, and explain that they will be able to visit as soon as possible. Make sure your partner stays in contact with your child throughout the birth, to keep reassuring him that you and baby are both ok. Some children worry about their mother’s safety during childbirth, and this can be quite stressful for them.
5. Caring – your child may not yet be old enough to help look after the baby, but they could help you while you look after the baby. Giving your child responsibilities, such as getting the baby wipes or massage oil, can be a great way to involve your child in the baby care. You could also buy your child a doll to take care of while you are busy with the baby. You will find that he copies what you are doing, and will probably sit quietly next to you, caring for his doll as you care for the baby. For a little while at least!

If you think your oldest child is feeling jealous and resentful, try to spend some quality time with him away from the baby. Sometimes all it can take is an hour of uninterrupted play for your child to feel happy and ready to welcome the new baby again. Using a sling, especially one that allows for breastfeeding, can be a lifesaver when you have an older child. You’ll have your hands free to play with your child, and your baby will be happy feeding or sleeping in the sling.

Do you have any tips for introducing a new baby to an existing child?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

For some parents, bonding begins in utero, and for some it happens instantly at birth. For others, it can take a few days for things to settle down enough for the bonding process to really begin, and some parents may find it takes a bit longer.

There are plenty of ways you can encourage the bonding process between yourself and your baby, here are a few tried and tested techniques:

1. Skin to skin – touch is a great way to bond with your baby. Research has found that skin to skin contact helps babies by regulating breathing, stimulating digestion, regulating body temperature, and stimulating feeding behaviour. It has been found to help mothers relax, and to trigger the hormones of breastfeeding. Make sure you spend some time enjoying skin to skin contact.
2. Alone time – there’s probably a line of friends and family queuing up outside your door, but try to postpone them by a few days. Spend a some time bonding as a new family, and getting used to each other before you invite other people to meet your newborn.
3. Use your voice – your baby recognises your voice from his time in the womb. You may have noticed that, even at just a few hours old, he will turn his head to you whenever he hears you talk. The sound of your voice might even be enough to soothe him when he cries, so make the most of this ability and chat away throughout the day.
4. And your ears – talking is great, but listen, too. Your baby might not be able to talk just yet, but that doesn’t mean he’s not communicating. He may smile when happy, shy away when he doesn’t want a massage, or suck his thumb when he’s hungry. Through these actions, he is communicating with you. By learning to interpret your baby’s early attempts at communication, you can help him to learn the value of communicating – something you’ll be thankful of in the future. You may also learn to pick up on his early feeding cues, and be able to feed him before he starts to cry from hunger.
5. Feeding time – mealtimes are the perfect time to bond with your baby. If you’re breastfeeding, feed as often as your baby indicates he would like to. Feed frequently, and make eye contact with and talk to him as you do. The hormones associated with breastfeeding are said to encourage the bonding process too. If you’re bottle feeding, you can still use feeds as valuable bonding time. Talk to and make eye contact with your baby throughout the feed. Some parents decide that only they will feed their baby, to stop visitors from stealing that valuable bonding opportunity.
6. Close enough to kiss – you may have noticed that your newborn cries whenever he is put down, that’s because he wants to be close to you. Using a sling is a great way of keeping everyone happy. You’re happy because you have your hands free to get on with other things, and the baby is happy because he knows he’s safe with you. Dad can get in on the babywearing action too – it’s a great way for him to bond with the baby.
7. Massage – massaging your baby is a great way to promote bonding and closeness. You can incorporate a massage into your daily routine. Baby massage may also help to improve your confidence in your mothering abilities as you learn to communicate with your newborn. Massage is also said to help with colic, sleep and wind (gas) in babies. There are baby massage courses across the country that will equip you with the skills and confidence to massage your baby.

How do you plan to bond with your baby?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Moms don’t get to hog all the bonding time with those adorable newborns, unsurprisingly dads want a slice of the action too. Not only will this help your partner to bond with the new baby and build his parenting confidence, it will also give you a much-needed chunk of time to yourself. You could have a bath, read a book or take a nap (obviously  the nap will take priority here). Here are a few ideas for daddy and baby activities:

1. Taking a walk

A walk on a nice day is pretty much the perfect daddy and baby activity. He can get his adorable baby all snuggled up in the sling and set off into the fresh air with his baby at kissing height (what could be better?). Being in a sling allows the baby to experience the world just as his daddy experiences it. Dad will be able to chat away happily to the baby, pointing out things of interest and generally keeping baby entertained as they enjoy a walk together. If the baby falls asleep, he’ll have that added joy of feeling like a baby whisperer, who doesn’t love that?

2. Socialising

It’s not just mamas who can enjoy a coffee morning, dads can have gatherings too. Encourage your partner to meet up with his friends who have kids too. Together they can encourage their kids to form friendships, whilst sharing the highs and lows of fatherhood. It’s not just moms who love to chat, dads can learn a lot from each other as well.

3. Attending a group

In fact, because it’s well known that dads love to socialize, there are now plenty of local meetups for dads. These tend to take place on the weekend and allow dads a chance to get together with their kids and meet other families. They say it takes a whole village to raise a child, so encourage your partner to get out there and find some villagers. If there isn’t a group locally, suggest to your partner that he sets one up.

4. Baby massage

Baby massage encourages optimum health, relaxation and bonding. It’s also a great way to boost your parenting confidence. If your partner is out at work all day and then struggles with the baby when he gets home, he might benefit from a baby massage class to help build his confidence. There are classes he can attend to learn techniques or he could simply watch instructional videos online. Once he’s mastered the moves, a massage can become a part of his daily routine, allowing him ample opportunity to bond with his baby.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Touch is an important sensory experience for your baby. You’ve probably noticed your baby loves to be held, cuddled and stroked. Your baby loves to be close to you. Your baby feels reassured by the touch of your skin. Many parents are now turning to baby massage as a way of bonding with their babies. If you haven’t tried baby massage yet, here are five reasons why you should:

1. It’s great for bonding

Including baby massage as part of your daily routine provides another way to strengthen the beautiful bond you have with your child. As the two of you relax together in a quiet room, you can look into his eyes and help him to unwind after a busy day. The massage itself encourages the release of oxytocin, the love hormone responsible for bonding, which allows both of you to relax and enjoy this special time together. It also guarantees you a little bit of time for the two of you to escape the chaos of everyday life and spend some time focused on each other.

2. It aids development

Baby massage stimulates your baby’s respiratory system, immune system and nervous system. Baby massage is a sensory experience, allowing your baby to learn more about his body in a safe and relaxing environment. It allows for eye contact and touch, enhancing your baby’s social development as well as strengthening your bond.

3. It’s good for sleep

If you’re trying to gently nudge your baby into more of a routine, baby massage can help. Many parents enjoy a quiet hour with their baby before bedtime. Bath and stories are popular bedtime activities, but baby massage is another great one to include. Turn down the lights, cut out background noise and spend some time helping your baby to relax before bed. The massage will help your baby calm down before bed.

4. It’s relaxing

Baby massage is great for helping babies to relax, but it can work wonders for your stress levels too. After a busy day spent tending to the needs of your baby, you might benefit from some relaxation time as well. Tuck yourself away from visitors, the television, and your phone, and enjoy fifteen minutes of quiet, focused time with your baby.

5. It can build confidence

Being a parent can be pretty overwhelming. There are so many decisions to be made on a daily basis, and sometimes you may worry you’re not qualified to make them. The more time you spend with your baby, the more your confidence will grow. Baby massage will help you to realize that you know how to soothe and calm your baby. As your bond strengthens, so too will your confidence.

How can I learn more about baby massage?

It’s advisable to attend an official baby massage class before you start. In infants, massage is done on the surface, with very little pressure and slow, gentle strokes. There are baby massage classes all over the country. Find out whether there is a class in your local area where you can find out more, learn the technique and meet other moms.

Have you tried baby massage with your baby?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

“If you pick your baby up every time he cries, you’re going to spoil him!”
“He’s just trying to manipulate you!”
“I see he’s already got you trained!”

How many of these have you heard? But science is on your side – you can’t hold your baby too much, and you’re not creating a whiny brat by picking him up. Instead, responsive parenting teaches your baby about trust and compassion.

Research shows that infant crying usually peaks around six weeks of age, and then decreases by half by 12 weeks of age. Did you know that if mom responds within 90 seconds of baby starting to cry, baby calms quickly? If she waits longer to respond, however, prolonged calming is needed. Who doesn’t want less crying? A quick response to a fussy baby makes a happier, less stressful environment for everyone.

Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, and you’ll be amazed by how quickly you learn to tell the ‘I’m hungry’ cry apart from the ‘I’m tired’ one. As your baby grows, you’ll learn all the other cues he uses to communicate with you. When you respond to those attempts at communication, your baby learns to trust you. You’re teaching your baby how to develop a secure attachment to you, the caregiver.

Studies from the 1950s to present day show that babies who are not responded to tend to grow up insecure, unsure, and more fearful. Babies who are responded to consistently and positively grow to be independent children and adults. In fact, as these babies grow, they …

• Have higher self-esteem
• Have improved focus, and fewer behavior problems
• Are better able to regulate their emotions
• Experience less fear and anxiety
• Are more likely show altruistic behaviors, such as, gratitude, appreciation, and caring

One of the most amazing benefits of responsive parenting and secure attachment is to baby’s brain. Babies experience incredible brain growth during the first two years of life when millions of connections are made between neurons. And the more connections, the better the brain functions. Studies show that parents can influence this growth by their interactions with baby. Being sensitive to baby’s cues, responding consistently, and interacting with baby will all add to baby’s intellectual development.

Holding, cuddling, touching and interacting all boost your baby’s nervous system development without being stressful. Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone of love, is released for both baby and caregiver during these interactions. A win-win for both parties!

So you won’t spoil your baby by picking him up all the time, especially in these first few months – in fact, you’ll do just the opposite.

Written by Michelle, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

California’s Cedars-Sinai Hospital is using iPads to help new mums bond with their newborns. The iPad app, BabyTime, allows recovering mothers to log on twice a day, and speak to and see their babies on the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) via a secure server.

Up to 30% of new mums who deliver by caesarean section feel unable to move around easily within the first 24 hours after the birth. Unfortunately, this means that many new mums are missing out on quality bonding time with their newborn baby on the NICU. For some mothers, the wait to see their baby can be even longer.

New mothers separated from their babies often report feeling helpless, powerless and isolated after the birth. Experts believe BabyTime will allow new mothers to take a more active role in their baby’s care, even if they are not able to attend the ward in person. It is also hoped that this initiative will allow new mothers to bond with their babies, in spite of the separation.

“The BabyTime program will reduce fear and stress in the new moms as they are able to see their babies and also communicate with the doctors and nurses,” said Selma Braziel, nurse manager for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. By using the iPad, the new mother can ask questions to their baby’s medical team, as well as communicating with the newborn baby.

“BabyTime is an excellent marriage of healthcare and technology, allowing us to securely use new technology to keep our patients more informed and more comfortable during their stay,” said Darren Dworkin, senior vice president and chief information officer at Cedars-Sinai.

For the new mums unable to be with their newborns, it is hoped that this initiative will offer reassurance that the baby is well and being looked after. It can be scary for new mothers to be on different wards, unable to see or hold their newborn, and hopefully this app will make that unfortunate event a little easier to bear.

Newborn babies are comforted by familiar sounds, and instantly recognise their mother’s voice. By talking to their baby over BabyTime, new mothers can help to reassure and soothe their babies. Being told your baby is fine, just isn’t the same as seeing it for yourself.

Does your hospital use technology to allow babies and mothers to connect when they can’t be together? Is this something you wish had been available when you had your baby?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.