Pregnancy & Changing Friendships

Most people encounter changing friendship groups throughout their lives. You make and lose friends as you move schools, jobs and homes. You may also be noticing, however, that your friendships are changing now that you are pregnant.

If you are the first to fall pregnant in your peer group, you may be feeling left out. As they continue going out for cocktails, dating and planning their latest exotic holidays, you may feel out of place. If your mind is filled with baby names, breastfeeding tips and childbirth worries, you may worry that you have little in common with your old friends.

Just because you’re enjoying different life stages doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. Here are some tips to help you stay connected with your friends during pregnancy and motherhood:

1. Keep in touch – If you’re struggling with pregnancy symptoms, it’s easy to skip social events for another night on the sofa. If you want to keep friends, you have to invest time in the friendship, and this means staying in touch. While you may not feel up to meeting up as often, especially when pregnancy fatigue kicks in, you can still make time for a catch up over the phone.

2. Meet up – just because you’re no longer able to drink and dance the night away, doesn’t mean you have to stay home alone. Why not organise a quiet evening drinking cocktails (better make yours a mocktail) together, or an old fashioned girly sleepover? Explain to your friends that while you don’t feel up to a bar crawl, you’d still love to spend time with them, and suggest suitable activities.

3. Lip service – the pregnancy, birth and motherhood are probably consuming your every waking thought, but try to talk about other things too. It’s understandable that your childless friends might find thirty minutes discussing car seats a bit of a stretch.

4. Show an interest – during pregnancy, it can feel as though nothing else really matters, but try to remember that not everyone feels that way. While you may be focused only on your developing baby, your friends are still busy living their lives. Make sure you ask them plenty of questions about what they’ve been up to, and that they know you are interested in how they are.

5. Be honest – honesty is always the best policy. If you can’t do something, be honest about why not. Ask for the same in return. If your friend is struggling with the news of your pregnancy – perhaps because she is worried about losing you as a friend, or because she is trying to conceive herself – talk about it. By airing concerns, and responding honestly and sensitively, you can help to heal any cracks developing in your friendship.

6. Try not to worry – you may worry that your friends see you as ‘boring’ now that you’re pregnant, but chances are they’re just as excited as you about a baby joining the group. Try not to feel self-conscious when asked about how you are – be honest. Moan about your pregnancy symptoms, explain the stresses of buying baby things, and your worries about the birth.

7. Expand your circle – it’s always great to have friends who are in the same life stage as you, so try to meet other pregnant women. Prenatal classes are a great way to meet other expectant parents in your local area. You will support each other through 3am feeds, diaper rashes and bouts of teething – and these new friends will become a lifeline. Stay close to your old friends, but it doesn’t hurt to make new ones too.

Have you experienced changing friendships during pregnancy?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

5 Things to Remember When You’re Missing a Fun Night Out

Being at home with a baby can be frustrating when all your friends are out having fun together while you’re changing diapers. Much as you love spending time with your little one, you can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when you see photos of your friends enjoying a night out without you.

Social media has no doubt made this worse. Seeing your friends have fun on social media can leave you feeling left out. The photos, the status tags, the check-ins and the endless in-jokes can be hard to swallow when you’re sat at home covered in baby puke.

Missing a night out

Here are a few important things to remember when you’re missing a night out with friends because you’re busy being a mom:

  1. Your baby won’t be a baby for long

This is so cliche that you probably get told it a zillion times a day by every woman of a certain age you happen across while out and about. It’s hard to believe it when you’re stuck in the daily grind of feeds, changes and naps, but it’s true. They really don’t stay little for long. In a few seconds, you’ll wake up to find it’s your child’s first day of school and you won’t be able to believe it’s here already. Your baby won’t be little forever, so don’t worry, you’ll be out and about again one day soon. In the meantime, soak up as much of those baby snuggles as you can.

  1. It’s only a night out

Nights out are fun, but that’s all they are. You aren’t missing out on the night of the century, you’re just taking a backseat until you feel ready to dazzle the dance floor once more. If they’re good friends, you can probably predict how the night’s going to go anyway. Someone will drink too much, someone will say something they shouldn’t and someone will disappear before the end of the night only to be found kissing a stranger round the corner. You’re not missing out tonight, and you’ll be back out with them all soon enough anyway.

  1. It’s nothing personal

Your friends aren’t going out of their way to leave you out. They haven’t singled you out and tried to come up with ways to leave you out. They’re just doing what they’ve always done. Right now, you may not be able to go with them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still love you. They miss you when you’re not there, but they know you’ll be back as soon as you feel ready.

  1. It’s worth it

It’s easy to get disheartened from time to time, but it’s important to remember that motherhood is worth it. Motherhood is simply one of the most amazing experiences. The way your heart swells with love the first time you hold your baby, the way your baby is soothed by the mere sound of your voice and the way that you will do anything and everything to protect her. How amazing it feels when your baby looks at you and smiles, or giggles at you when you play with her. These are the moments that make up motherhood, and when you think of it like that, they’re well worth missing a couple of nights out for.

  1. You can still socialize

You might not quite be ready for a night on the town yet, but that doesn’t mean you need to hide away indoors on your own. You can still have fun with your friends, even if you’re not yet ready to have your first night out. If you’re not ready to leave your baby yet, why not invite your friends round for a sleepover? You could hang out on the sofa, eat junk food and watch some of your favorite films. If you’re ready to leave your baby for a couple of hours, why not organize to meet friends for lunch somewhere close to home? You don’t have to miss out because you’re a mama, but you may need to tweak how you socialize at least for a little while.

How do you make sure you still get to enjoy some quality bonding time with your friends?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

5 Reasons Why You Should Talk to The Stay at Home Dad at Playgroup

Next time you’re at playgroup, look around, how many dads do you see? Chances are, not many. Playgroups are female-dominated environments. Most primary carers are women, and even though there are increasing numbers of stay at home dads, women still outnumber the men at baby groups. It can be pretty daunting to be a stay at home dad amongst a sea of moms, but you can change that by being a friendly face each week. Here are five reasons why you should talk to the dad at playgroup:

  1. You might be the only one

Playgroups vary wildly, but some can be remarkably unfriendly. If you think the moms at playgroup are cliquey, imagine how much harder it is for a man to break into that group! Some dads report feeling invisible at playgroups, but you have the power to change this. Reach out and make a new friend. The stay at home dads long for inclusion just as you do, so help a guy out by being friendly.

  1. He knows what you’re going through

He’s a man so he pees standing up, but aside from that, you’re actually pretty similar. He’s going through the same sleep regressions, weaning worries and separation anxiety that you are. Ok, these might not be topics you’d whip out in a bar to a chat to a guy you don’t know, but rest assured, they’ll be easy talking points with a stay at home dad. Don’t assume he doesn’t care about these things just because he’s a man. If he’s staying home to look after his baby, you can assume he’s into all that stuff and more.

  1. He could be a new couple friend

As the mom, it’s pretty easy for you to make new friends. You spend your maternity leave at baby groups and on coffee dates with mom friends. You’ll end up with a decent support circle around you. Your partner may not be so lucky. If he’s still working during your leave, he may not make those important social connections. If he’s the first of his friends to have a baby, it can be a pretty isolating experience. By becoming friendly with the dads at playgroup, you’re widening your social circle and finding friends your partner might like as well.

  1. Your baby will learn about gender equality

We live in an equal world, right? So why are women still the ones doing most of the unpaid labor when it comes to childcare and housework? If you’re hoping to set a good example for your kids, it’s easy to feel guilty when you find yourself stepping into the role of primary carer. Fear not, stay at home dad can help with this problem. He can play an important role in your baby’s life simply by showing that it’s not always the moms who stay home, dads can be primary carers too!

  1. He might be awesome

It’s hard to predict which people you’ll get on with and which you won’t. Instead of judging the stay at home dad, give him the chance to get to know you. If he turns out to be an awesome guy, you might just have yourself another friend for life. After all, in this haze of sleepless night, diaper changes and cluster feeds, you could do with all the help you can get.

Do you have any stay at home dad friends?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.