As soon as you announced your pregnancy, you probably started receiving unwanted parenting advice. From your mother in law monitoring your diet, to the stranger at the bus stop giving you a dirty look for drinking a coffee, it may seem that your pregnancy is up for discussion. Add to this the number of people trying to touch your bump without permission, and it’s understandable that you’re getting a bit fed up.

Unfortunately, this unwanted advice probably won’t end when the baby is born. You’ll have strangers wandering over to you, desperate to stroke the cheek and squeeze the hand of your newborn. While they stop to tell you how beautiful and precious your newborn baby is, they’ll also probably drop a few parenting tips into the conversation. Your friends and family may also join in offering unsolicited advice at every opportunity.

Sleep

For the first few months, it may seem like the entire world is waiting with baited breath to find out how your little one slept last night. You’ll be offered outdated advice, and may even be made to feel that you have a ‘bad’ sleeper. Firstly, all babies are bad sleepers, that’s how they’re designed. Secondly, how they sleep at eight weeks does not determine how they will sleep forever. Yes sleepless nights are hard, yes having a newborn can be exhausting, but it won’t last forever. Don’t waste time worrying about sleep, just grab it while you can and make the most of this time with your newborn.

Size

There isn’t much to say about babies really, because they don’t do much. They’re cute, they have beautiful big eyes, and they are big, or small, or average. Everyone will comment on your baby’s size, probably because they’ve run out of other compliments to throw at him. As long as your healthcare provider thinks that your baby’s size is ok, then you have nothing to worry about.

Crying

There is nothing more stressful than being out and about when your newborn starts to wail loudly, going redder and redder in the face as he screams. Oh wait, yes there is: it’s when strangers choose that moment to come over and offer advice. What you really need is to be left alone so you can figure out, as quickly as possible, what your baby needs so you can soothe him. What you’ll get is a load of unwanted advice, “give that baby a bottle”, “he’s cold” and “get a dummy in him” being favourites. Ignore the advice, ignore everybody apart from your crying baby. You are his mother, you know what he needs, and if you don’t, you’ll figure it out in a few minutes. Breathe, and try to stay calm.

Parenting choices

Parenting can be a bit of a battleground, and almost every choice has two opposing sides. It is up to you how you decide to raise your baby. Bottle or breast, dummy or not, pram or carrier – all of these choices should be made by you and your partner. It’s not up to your mother in law to persuade you to use formula milk, it’s not your friend’s choice to give your baby a dummy, and you shouldn’t let other mums make you feel bad for letting your baby nap on you. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, just do what works for your family.

Confidence

As a first time parent, you are likely to lack confidence when looking after your newborn. It can be an overwhelming time, and you may feel a lot of pressure from various people to conform to their parenting ideals. Don’t. Feel confident in the choices you have made, and focus your energy on being the best parent you can be, ignore the unwanted advice and comments from other people.

Have you been given any unwanted parenting advice, and how did you deal with it?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Your pregnancy bump acts like a magnet, attracting unwanted advice from across the land. As soon as you start to show, you will be receiving advice about sleeping, breastfeeding and discipline. It can be tiresome to say the least.

There will be times, however, when you are in need of advice. Perhaps during those first few days, as you struggle to help your baby to latch on for a feed. Or maybe a couple of weeks later, when your baby develops a rash and you don’t know what has caused it. Or maybe a couple of months down the line, when you want a tried and tested method to help your baby with teething pains. So, when you do want parenting advice, where can you get it?

1. Experienced friends – lots of people rely on experienced friends for advice. These friends have been through it all recently, you trust them, and they probably love an opportunity to share their tips and tricks with you. Choose friends whose parenting styles you admire and want to replicate. Remember, just because you’re friends, doesn’t necessarily mean you will agree on everything, so it’s ok to pick and choose which advice you follow.

2. Your parents – some people choose to rely on their own parents or in-laws for advice. This makes sense, after all, you know whether they were good parents or not! You may find that you feel closer to your parents once you become a parent, because you are finally able to truly understand all that they did for you. One thing to be wary of, however, is that their advice may be outdated. Official advice changes over time because of scientific studies and new research coming out, but your parents are unlikely to be aware of this. For example, though parents are now advised to put babies to sleep on their back at the foot of the crib, this wasn’t always the case. Double check any advice that could be outdated, to make sure it is still considered safe.

3. A trusted book – if you’re a bookworm, you might have a whole shelf filled with parenting literature by now. Or, perhaps, you just have the one trusted manual. It’s useful to have a book you can turn to during times of need, and one that can help to shape your overall parenting philosophy. Try to read a variety of books, so that you can pick and choose the advice you find most helpful.

4. Doctor Google – it’s sometimes hard to imagine life before smart phones. How did new parents used to find out whether their baby’s poo was normal, or what to do if their baby projectile vomited? Some new parents search for answers on the internet. There is a wealth of information available, but it may not always be good advice. Be selective about which sites you visit, and whose information you trust.

5. Healthcare professionals – if you are worried that your baby may be ill, of course you should always contact your doctor. However, you may also find healthcare professionals useful in other circumstances too. If your child is having trouble sleeping, is having difficulty latching on, or simply wants to be held all the time, you could ask your healthcare provider for advice. In the UK, you could speak to your health visitor for advice on any issues related to parenting. In the US, you can speak to your pediatrician.

Where do you think you will get your parenting advice from?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

As soon as you announced your pregnancy, you probably started receiving unsolicited advice left, right and center. Everybody has some pearl of wisdom they just need to impart, even if they’ve never met you before. Sadly, that doesn’t stop when the baby’s born, in fact, it multiplies. Everybody knows exactly how you should be raising your child, what you’re doing wrong and what your baby really needs. Except they don’t. Like, at all. Don’t worry, you are the world’s leading expert in your baby and nobody else knows better than you.

One of the things new moms are often told is that it’s vitally important that they get their baby into a routine. If the old ladies on the street are to be believed, this is the absolute gold star award in parenting. Your baby needs to be in a routine, now. But, like with all things parenting, there is no one size fits all approach to getting things right.

Do I need to get my baby into a routine?

You need to keep your baby safe, fed and loved. Other than that, there’s no need about it. There are so many different parenting styles and options out there, and your job is to pick the one that works best for your family. You don’t need to do one thing just because your sister did it. And you certainly don’t need to do something just because everybody else is doing it.

As the parent, you have plenty of choices to make about how you raise your child. But that’s just it, they’re choices. There is no right answer, there is only the style that works best for you. For some moms, routine is a sanity saver that allows them to feel a little more in control of the situation than they otherwise would. For other moms, routine may not be the answer.

The pros of a routine

Parents who use routine will be able to tell you all of the benefits. With scheduled nap times, meal times and bedtimes, you’ll have a little more control over how you spend your day. Some parents believe babies thrive in routines and that knowing what comes next can help them to deal with transition. If you manage to successfully establish a bedtime routine, you might be one of the few parents who gets to enjoy evenings in the near future.

The pros of on demand

If routine doesn’t sound like it’s for you, you may be more of a go with the flow mom. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Going with the flow allows you a flexibility that simply doesn’t exist within the constraints of a routine. On demand breastfeeding puts your baby in charge of how much and how often she eats, and many believe this is important for teaching your baby to understand when she is hungry and full. If you find the thought of a routine exhausting, then on demand might be better suited to you. This allows to take things a day at a time, to see what works as and when and, most importantly, to follow your baby’s lead.

Are you a fan of routines or are you more of a go with the flow mama?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.