You’ve installed the car seat, and assembled the crib, changing table, swing, stroller, and more. You have washed all of the onesies and sleepers, and have stocked up on diapers. Now what? What else can you do to prepare for your baby’s arrival?

Try this exercise:

Draw a circle on a sheet of paper and divide it into 24 slices. Now think about all the ways you spend your time each and every day. Eight hour workday? Shade in eight slices of pie. An hour of commuting to and from work? There’s another slice. A regular eight hours of sleep – shade it in. Showering, doing your hair and make-up, fixing meals, exercising, housekeeping, etc. Consider all the ways you spend your time and record them on your pie chart. Ask your partner to do the same on his own pie chart.

Now imagine life with a baby. How much time will baby care take? If this is your first baby, you may not have any idea. Take infant feeding, for instance. If you’re breastfeeding, expect your newborn to eat 8-12 times each day (maybe more!). If he’s eating 12 times a day, and each feeding takes on average 30 minutes (and that’s the low end of average), you’ll be spending 6 hours a day on feeding. Even if you’re formula feeding, preparing bottles, cleaning them, and actually feeding baby takes time, too. How will your pie chart need to change to accommodate this? What about diaper changing? Expect to change a diaper with every feeding – if you figure 12 per day at 5 minutes per change (once you get good at it), that’s another hour there. Add in clothing changes, comforting, putting baby to sleep, burping, etc. and add that all to your pie. How will baby care fit into your life?

Discuss this exercise with your partner, and work on a system for who will do what and when. If you’re over your allotted 24 hours for the day, something’s got to give. Can your partner take over some duties? Can you forego some daily activities? Think about what will be essential in the beginning – sleep and food (for baby and for you!). Pare down your day to these activities.

Sleep deprivation is the number one hurdle all new parents face. Babies sleep a lot, but they wake a lot, too, and at the most inconvenient times (like at night when you’re trying to sleep). While you may be mentally prepared for this – everyone tells you it’s coming – the reality can be quite challenging. Try to sleep – or at least rest – when baby sleeps. Limit visitors in the early days, and ask those who stop by to give you a hand with a load of laundry or the dishes in the sink. Eat well, drink enough water, and exercise daily – these will help minimize the effects of the lack of sleep. Most of all, keep in mind that all babies wake often, and that it’s a protective mechanism they will grow out of when they are developmentally ready.

Consider the first three months with a new baby your 4^th trimester. Your baby will appreciate a womb-like environment: low lighting, warmth, being near mom, and feeding on demand. By meeting these needs, your baby will have a sense of security. But caring for your baby this way will also help you learn to parent. You’ll learn all of your baby’s subtle cues, his likes and dislikes, and more. You’ll ease into parenting gently. Keep in mind that you will need time to recover, too. So allow the 4^th trimester to be your time to recuperate. Lower your expectations, and let go of the to-do list. Enjoy your baby, and be gentle on yourself as you learn to mother.

Enjoyed this article? There are lots more interesting articles and tools in our new follow-on App Baby+ for iPhone / iPad or Android. Click Baby+ iOS or Baby+ Android to install the App, and prepare for the arrival of your little one(s).

What tips do experienced moms have for those who are having their first baby?

Written by Michelle: lactation consultant, childbirth educator, writer, editor, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

When you last left your house, you were a heavily pregnant woman, possibly in the throes of labour. Now you are about to walk into your house as a new mother, and introduce your newborn baby to his or her first home. The significance of this moment would be enough to have you in tears even without the post-partum hormonal sob fest, but what practical things should you have ready for your first days as a new parent?

1. Food, glorious food – you don’t want to arrive home from the hospital to discover that the cupboards are bare. Make sure your freezer is stocked up with precooked meals in advance, so all you need to do is reheat and eat. If you plan on having visitors during the first week, ask them to bring a small selection of fresh fruit with them. It’s important to eat healthily and look after yourself so that you are able to look after your baby.
2. Battle stations at the ready – well, changing stations anyway. You will arrive home from the hospital in a whirlwind of nappy changes, feeds and cuddles, so you won’t have time to hunt for nappy cream or diapers. Have your changing station set up before your due date, so that everything is where it should be for your first dirty nappy. In fact, consider having a couple of different ones – especially if your living quarters are two stories.
3. Going off grid – unplug the house phone, turn your mobile phone to silent, let the email inbox pile up, and ignore the door. These first few days are the ideal bonding time for your new family. Of course, you should invite any guests you want round, but make sure that your private moments are uninterrupted. There is nothing worse than finally soothing your baby to sleep, only to have your hard work undone by a deafeningly loud phone ringing in the next room.
4. Just in case – chances are, between childbirth and breastfeeding, you’re going to feel a little sore. You may not need them, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. Have some breastfeeding safe over-the-counter painkillers in the house, as well as some heat and ice packs. If you’re planning to breastfeed, you may want to keep some soothing nipple cream in the house too, because your nipples may feel quite tender for the first couple of days. Even a bag of frozen peas might make a handy ice pack if you’re suffering from engorgement.
5. Some baggies – you won’t be straight back into your skinny jeans, but you probably won’t need maternity wear anymore, either. Make sure you have lots of clean, comfy pyjamas to wear. Don’t forget, you’ll also want some clothes to wear for when visitors pop round, unless you don’t mind them seeing you in your pajamas.

The first few days as a new parent are exhausting, difficult and truly amazing all at the same time. Make sure you have the above items in the house, and if you discover any other useful must haves, be sure to share the advice in the comments below.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

Pregnancy can be a daunting time, and it is common for pregnant women to experience anxieties, worries and concerns about impending motherhood. If you are facing pregnancy alone, whether planned or unplanned, you may find yourself worrying about how you will cope as a single parent. Rest assured that most pregnant women in relationships are just as terrified as you. As a single woman you have extra things to consider though, including:

Support
Looking after a baby can be exhausting, so you’ll need a support network around you to help out. You may choose to ask your best friend, or a family member, to join you at antenatal appointments and scans. Identify the friends and family who you feel will best support you, and ask them if they will help out a little bit when the baby is here.

Birth partner
Childbirth can be hard work, amazing and scary all at the same time. Do you have a close friend or family member you’d like to be your birth partner? Having support during labour is invaluable. While it may seem a big task, many people would be honoured to be asked. If you can’t think of anyone you want to ask, you could hire a doula. Though sometimes pricey, doulas are professionally trained birth partners who support labouring women.

Groups
Once the baby arrives, you should find some local baby groups to attend. Baby massage, baby sign and play groups are all great places to meet and interact with other mums. It’s always helpful to have friends who understand what you’re going through, so try to seek out some other single parents to buddy up with. Some areas have groups for single mothers to meet and socialise, but if there isn’t one near you, you could join an online forum to speak to people in a similar situation.

Finances
You may be entitled to some financial assistance as a single mother, find out if this is the case. Lots of people miss out on benefits they are entitled to simply because they don’t ask. You may be entitled to educational grants, training grants or money towards childcare costs to help your transition back to work after the baby is born.

Look after yourself
It’s important to look after yourself, so you give your baby the best care possible. Life can be pretty exhausting as a single mum, so don’t be shy about asking for help. Ask your best friend to entertain the baby for a couple of hours, so you can have a relaxing bath and enjoy some time focusing on yourself for a change. Ask your mum to help out with the laundry, or your sister to pick up some groceries on her way round.

The dad
If the father wants to be involved, together you can work out how he can help out, both financially and practically. If he doesn’t want to be involved, then see it as his loss. Try to focus on the positives – you’ll get to make all the decisions, and enjoy all the cuddles from your little one. Make sure you receive any financial support you are entitled to, unless you have decided you don’t want it.

Are you single and pregnant, do you have any tips to help other women in your situation?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Preparing to be a father for the first time can be overwhelming. You are about to fall head over heels in love with a person you’ve only just met. Changing dirty nappies, running around the park, first days at school, first dates, growing up – you have it all to come. From the first time you hold your baby in your arms, your life with change – but how can you prepare for something so huge? Here are some ideas:

1. Do your homework – there are hundreds of books on the topic of parenting. You don’t need to read them all, but you may find it useful to read a couple. Ask your partner about books she has enjoyed, or ask any friends or family you feel are good parents to recommend books they found useful as new parents.

2. Speak to fathers – it can be hard to describe what fatherhood is really like, but those best placed to try are fathers. Talk to your friends and family who are fathers, and ask them for advice. They may be able to offer tips and suggestions that could help you, or even let you in on things they wish they’d done differently.

3. Speak to mothers – it’s not just the fathers you need to talk to … get chatting with their partners too. Ask the mothers what makes a good dad, and ask for examples of things to avoid. They may be able to give you tips to make those first few months easier, and even how to ensure you and your child share a loving relationship through to adulthood.

4. Speak to your partner – you won’t be raising this baby alone, so find out what your co-pilot thinks. What will she expect from you, what sort of parents does she want you to be, and what sort of parents does she want to avoid becoming? Be honest about how you both feel, discuss your hopes for the future, and try to work out ways to make them reality.

5. Go to class – antenatal classes aren’t just for pregnant women, they’re just as much designed with you in mind. The classes will teach you the basic of baby care, as well as helping to prepare you for the first few months of fatherhood. If you’re not used to being around babies, those first few weeks can be a bit of a shock, but antenatal classes can help by adjusting your expectations for life with a newborn.

6. Take paternity leave– whether you are able to take paid paternity leave will depend upon which country you live in, but try to organise some time off for immediately after the birth. Time off from work will help you to get to know your newborn, support your wife while she recovers from the birth, and enjoy some time with your new family. Take whatever you can afford off. You won’t regret spending that time with your new baby.

7. Start as you mean to go on – get stuck into being a father. Changes nappies, give cuddles, wear your baby in a sling, and bathe your baby. Your baby could hear your voice in the uterus, and so knows exactly who you are immediately after the birth. It may take a while to find your feet as a father, but learning on the job is the best way to get involved.

How are you preparing to be a father?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Chances are you have been trying to put off looking for a childcare provider for your baby as long as possible. If you are like most moms, thinking about WHO will take care of your baby BEFORE you have even given birth, seems a bit counter-intuitive. Plus, all the waiting around, and your accumulation of maternity leave and vacation time from work, likely makes you feel like there is no rush to choose a daycare provider, especially in the third trimester of pregnancy. Right?  Wrong! Here’s why.

Firstly, you might be shocked to start your search for the perfect daycare, find one – and then find out that you have to be put on a waiting list for several months to a year. In the United States, many of the premiere daycare centers have waiting lists a mile long, especially for the newborn, infant and baby rooms. The reason is simple. There are only so many babies that these daycare centers are legally allowed to have per room. Secondly, there is a high demand for top-notch facilities. And in order to find the best facility for you and your baby, you will have to do a lot of research and door to door visiting of daycare centers so that you can get an ‘intuitive feel’ for the center before enrolling your child.

As you begin to search for a daycare center, you may want to make impromptu stops at daycare centers without appointments so that you can see how things are run when the center is not expecting a visitor. Certainly you will have to check in with the front office staff before touring the center, but not allowing the center time to ‘prepare’ in order to make a good example to gain a customer is a smart way to check the integrity of a daycare center.

When you tour, pay attention to the children and your intuition. Do the kids look happy?  Are there adults present at all times? Do you get a good feel from the staff that is in charge of the daycare center? Are all of the employees certified to care for children?  Are doors locked and secure? Pay close attention to how things are organized, and come prepared with as many question as possible. Also, avoid making a hasty decision – and try to visit a center that you are interested in at least 2 -3 times before committing so you can get a better feel of the day to day operations.

You should also check online for any complaints or problems with a daycare center. Sometimes, you will find problems or concerns from other parents in forums or local listings specific to your town. Also, check in with neighbors and other moms around your area to see which day care centers they would recommend, and which ones they would not. Other moms can be your greatest source of information, especially if they have personal experience with the daycare center.

Certainly, looking for a daycare center in your third trimester can be bittersweet. If you know you are going back to work, and know that you will have to rely on a daycare for your child, it will be much easier to research and visit the daycares, prior to having your baby than it will be afterwards.

Also, don’t totally count out in-home day care centers, which can also provide a loving, more personal environment for your child. If you go to an individual for your daycare needs, you should do not just a background check on the provider, but also ask to see all credentials they have which allow them to care for children in their home.

Remember, the most important decision you will make after you have your baby is who will care for your child in your absence. Use your best judgment and don’t be afraid to rely on your feelings and intuition to help you make a decision.

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @MOM-SPIRATIONAL

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Someone you know has just had a baby, and you are about to get all of the cuddles and cuteness without any of the hard work (read: pushing). To cement your special place in the baby’s heart, you first need to win over the parents. Whether they’re close friends or family, you’ll still need to prove yourself as a guest worth inviting over again.

New parents have a lot going on. Of course, they want you to come and visit their new baby, and they want to hear how gorgeous and perfect she is, but they also want to feel human. New parents don’t get much sleep, that’s a fact. They also struggle to eat three balanced meals a day, keep the house tidy and drink a cup of tea whilst it’s hot. This is where you come in – SuperGuest. All you need to do is follow the simple instructions below, and you’ll guarantee yourself a second invite round for more adorable cuddles and finger grabs.

1. Stay away if you’re ill – ok, you really want to see the baby while she’s still tiny; that’s only natural. But sometimes you have to say no. If you are feeling unwell, have a cold, or have recently come into contact with an unwell person (and could therefore be carrying the illness), you need to stay away. Far from being offended, the new parents will be grateful that you didn’t risk contaminating their new baby. You can get in touch as soon as you’re feeling better, and say you’d like to meet the newborn. If you go when you’re ill, and make the baby poorly, you’ll never live it down (and probably won’t get invited round again any time soon).

2. Bring food – new parents might be struggling to find the time to make it to the supermarket, so take them some supplies. You could cook them a nice meal to stock up their freezer, treat them to some fruit, or buy them some biscuits, anything will be appreciated during a 3am feed.

3. Make the tea – your hosts are probably too exhausted to play the perfect host, so why not look after them? Offer to make the tea, grab the biscuits and get anything else that might be needed. Save your friends the hassle of running round after you. It might not be the most exciting visit you’ve ever paid to their house, but it will make their lives much easier.

4. Let them drink tea – offer to hold the baby at an opportune time so that the new parents can enjoy a warm drink. Most new parents end up missing out on warm drinks for at least a few weeks, so will really appreciate the timing of your cuddle. Don’t drink your hot drink over the baby though – wait until you’ve given the baby back before having a sip.

5. A quick tidy up – if you don’t know the new parents that well, it might be weird to start cleaning their bathroom, but if you’re good friends, it’s a great way to show you care. New parents want to spend their time bonding with their newborn, not scrubbing the toilet bowl, so if you can help tidy up at all then please do. If you’re a particularly close friend, they may even ask you to do it.

Is anything missing from this list? What did your friends and family do to help out during early visits?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

One day, I caught myself yelling, “If you lick your sister one more time ….” Did I really utter those words? And, loud enough that the neighbors likely heard me? Sometimes, I hear my own mother’s voice when I say, “cut it out” – cut what out, my kids probably think, or more likely, where are the scissors? Apart from things I say, I know there are things I do that I never would have imagined before having kids.

Here are 20 things I’ve heard parents swear they would never do but can’t help doing now that they have small children:

1. I’d never eat food dropped on the floor. (OK – well maybe only at home.)
2. I would never let my kids eat that. (whether “that” is candy, chocolate, dog food … I mean, it happens ….)
3. I’d never hold a fussy baby for the entire day – she’s going to spoil that baby!
4. My child would never throw a tantrum like that in public.
5. I’d never offer my toddler M&Ms as a reward for pottying.
6. I’d never let my baby (toddler? preschooler?) sleep in my bed.
7. My children will all sleep through the night.
8. I’m never having another baby. (This goes along with “We are never having sex again.”)
9. I would never let my toddler have a pacifier once he’s walking.
10. I’d never let my baby use me as a pacifier.
11. I’d never breastfeed a baby who has teeth.
12. I’d never breastfeed a child who can talk and ask for it.
13. I’ll never let my kids watch [fill in the blank] on television (or even watch TV at all).
14. I will never say, “because I said so” to my children.
15. I will never say, “when I was your age” to my kids.
16. I would never go out of the house looking like that.
17. I will never wear mom jeans (or yoga pants or sweatpants).
18. I’d never let my child dress that way.
19. I would never change my plans because of my kids.
20. I would never let my kids rule me that way.

Next time you catch yourself in one of these statements, step back and think about your own biases and actions. Then give the parents – or yourself – a break. Parenting is hard enough without the judgment of others. All parents need support – you’re all in the same boat.

What about you – what are you doing that you swore you’d never do?

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is bringing ones full attention to the present moment. Mindfulness in parenting means paying close attention to what’s happening here and now rather than thinking about down-the-road outcomes. While it doesn’t mean you are allowing your child to run free without consequences, it does mean that you are recognizing moment-to-moment thoughts and feelings without judging yourself or your child. Once you see the actions for what they are, you can move to more authentically resolving any problems.

Practicing mindfulness allows you to truly focus on your child’s unique needs, rather than getting caught up in reacting to behaviors. You are then able to let go of the way things should be and instead accept the way things are.

What are the benefits?

Mindfulness has been shown to alleviate anxiety, lessen depression, decrease substance abuse, and reduce reactivity to stress. When mothers use mindfulness in their interactions with their children, they feel empowered as parents and emotionally connected with their kids. They are less troubled by developmentally appropriate behaviors, and are less stressed overall.

Children learn from their parents’ behaviors, and those who are parented mindfully tend to learn mindfulness easily. Mindfulness decreases behavioral problems and substance use, as well as increases a sense of self-control and well-being.

How to be more mindful:

Mindfulness takes practice, and nobody is perfect all the time. As long as you are striving to improve your reactions and interactions, you are winning at the mindfulness game.

• Learn more about it: There are books, web pages, workbooks, blogs, Twitter feeds, etc. all geared toward mindful living. In addition to learning what mindfulness is, take time to practice every single day – even if it’s just for 5 minutes. There are loads of ways to teach kids to tune in – they are probably better at it than us (have you ever tried to get a toddler to stop focusing on playing when it’s time to go?).

• Tune in to your self talk: We are often our own worst critics. Accepting yourself is the first step in accepting your children as individuals. Tune in to your thinking about yourself and others. Are you constantly judging? Practice sitting quietly and thinking of nothing. As soon as you start to judge something, set the thought aside and once again focus on your breath, your present moment, what is happening in the immediate world around you. Over time, this practice will help you stop judging yourself and others, and allow you instead to forge strong relationships. When our children see us being kind to ourselves and others, they can’t help but learn.

• Reacting vs. responding: Do you find yourself reacting to your child’s behavior because of preconceived notions of the way things should be? Who sets those rules? Are they true for everyone and every family? By responding to your child in ways that are appropriate to his own unique personality and needs, you will create a relationship based on understanding and learning rather than fear of punishment.

• Un-schedule: Have some downtime every day – for you and for your child. When we’re always running from one activity to the next, we lose sight of whether or not those activities are enriching us or draining us.

• Practice stress management: Learn how to actively lower your stress level when you’re feeling the strain of parenting or just of life. Two helpful tools:
  • STOP: Stop what you’re doing, Take a breath, Observe how you feel and what is happening (without judgment), and Proceed to action but much more attuned and mindful.
  • HALT: Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired? Just stopping what you’re doing and tuning in to what you’re feeling without judging it right or wrong will help you move on with thoughtfulness. This little phrase is helpful when you’re child is having a meltdown, too. Simply assess your child’s emotions and basic needs to make sure his tank is full.

• Be good enough – Let go of being the ‘the perfect mom’ and instead be a mom whose imperfections are accepted. When your children see that failures are only temporary setbacks and are not a sign of bad character, they learn that it’s OK to be imperfect.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Most couples report an increase in bickering during the first year of their baby’s life. This could be down to sleep deprivation, resentment and having less time (and energy) to focus on the relationship. One thing new parents commonly fight about is parenting styles. It isn’t uncommon for the mom and dad to have completely different parenting styles and, of course, to each think theirs is the ‘right one’. This can lead to arguments, defensiveness and even more resentment. Don’t worry though, it doesn’t have to be that way.

How to tackle a difference of parenting opinion

Instead of letting another argument break out next time you have a difference of opinion, try the following steps to reach a peaceful conclusion:

1. Wait

If your partner has just done or said something you disagree with, now might not be the time to discuss it. Sometimes it’s best to make a note to discuss something later one. Instead of trying to have a chat about it while you’re trying to make dinner, tidy the house and entertain a baby, give yourself time to discuss it properly after baby’s bedtime.

2. Be open minded

In order to have a constructive chat about parenting styles, you both need to be willing to open your minds. Being defensive will prevent real debate, leave people feeling hurt and, most importantly, not get you very far. You need to be able to talk openly and honestly without fear of an argument. Remember, it’s ok to disagree. Just because you are both the parents, doesn’t mean you both share the same experiences, beliefs or ideologies.

3. Be fair

Don’t start by telling your partner everything you felt he did wrong today. Instead, simply talk about the event which bothered you. This isn’t about blame, you’re not perfect either. All parents have bad days and make bad choices, but good parents are able to sit down, analyze these mishaps and come up with a better plan for next time.

4. Prove it

If you read more parenting books, blogs and articles than your partner, it’s time to get your research hat on. Back up the points you’re making, and explain how you feel the situation could have been handled differently. Give examples of things that could have been said differently, or how your child might have felt during the event. Again, it is important to do this without blame. Include examples of how you too have made similar mistakes, and how you rectified them.

5. It’s ok to be different

You and your partner aren’t going to agree on everything all of the time. There may be some things that you simply can’t see eye-to-eye on. When that’s music or tv, it’s not such a big deal, but what about when it’s parenting style? It’s ok for your partner to disagree with you on certain aspects of parenting, and it’s fine for you to parent differently sometimes. Instead, focus on your similarities and find parenting methods you can both agree on.

Do you and your partner parent differently? And if so, has this caused tension in your relationship?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to live in a world where we all supported each other’s choices? Ah, that would be blissful. Instead, however, we live in a world where it’s perfectly acceptable to criticize other people’s decisions. Even the decisions of new mothers who are arguably at a very vulnerable time in their lives.

You may hear unsupportive comments from friends, family members, colleagues, and even strangers. It’s not easy to hear that people disagree with you. When those comments are unsolicited or unexpected, it can be especially hurtful. The important thing to remember is that every single mother in the world knows what you’re going through. No matter how you choose to parent, there will always be people who disagree with your methods. Remember, you can’t please everyone all of the time. Here are five tips to help you ignore unsupportive comments:

1. Remember, you are not alone

There are plenty of other parents out there who are choosing to do things exactly the same way you are. You’re not the first mother to face criticism and, sadly, you won’t be the last. Reach out to the other moms who share your parenting philosophy. Listen to their stories of criticism and know that you are not alone.

2. Remember, you are the expert

Nobody in the world knows your baby as well as you do. You are the only expert in how to care for your baby. The people criticizing you don’t know your baby the way you do. They aren’t the ones kept awake at night, the ones who feed your baby or the ones who first welcomed him into the world.

3. Be Honest

You don’t have to put up with rudeness or criticism from anybody. You are perfectly within your right to politely explain to anyone who questions you exactly why they are wrong. Or, if you’d rather avoid the confrontation, you can simply thank them for sharing and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

4. Seek out positivity

Being a new mama isn’t easy. You’re surviving on very little sleep, have very little opportunity to think about your own needs and spend most of your waking moments caring for a very demanding, but adorable, little baby. You probably don’t have much energy left to battle off negative comments, explain yourself for the hundredth time or defend your parenting choices. It’s much easier to surround yourself with positivity. Surround yourself with friends and family members who support your decisions, who tell you what a great job you’re doing and who help you to believe that you’re an amazing mama.

5. Remember, the comments come from a good(ish) place

It’s not easy being criticized, but it’s important to remember that the people who are criticising you are doing so out of love. Your grandma isn’t calling your sling risky to be mean, she’s just genuinely worried that it might be dangerous. Not everybody has access to the information you do. Respond politely and thank people for their concern, but make sure they know that you don’t need their opinions. You know what you’re doing.

Have you received any unsupportive comments and, if so, how did you handle them?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

When you imagine life with a new baby, do you picture a softened image with mom sitting in a rocking chair next to a sunlit window covered with gauzy curtains with a sleeping baby in her arms and an angelic smile on her face? While having a new baby is a wonderful life event, the nitty-gritty, day-to-day details are maybe not so glamorous.

Babies change everything. While your pre-baby life may have been organized and routine, your life now is anything but that. It’s 4pm and you’re still in your pajamas and haven’t yet brushed your teeth. You’re hungry but have no idea what you’ll fix for dinner, or if you even have the energy to cook. You want to go to sleep but know baby will wake any minute. Instead of resting, you’ve used this naptime to catch up on returning emails. What now?

You may need to make some adjustments to help you cope. Here’s what you can do to survive the early days with your newborn:

• Sleep when baby sleeps: don’t use naptime to catch up on chores, sleep instead. If you can’t sleep, at least rest. Dim the lights, turn on quiet music, and close your eyes.
• Limit visitors in the early weeks: everyone wants to see a new baby, but playing hostess can be tiring. If you do have guests, stay in your pajamas as a cue that they’re not to stay long. Consider asking friends and family to pitch in with the work you can’t get done – ask them to tidy up the dishes in the sink or put in a load of laundry.
• Eat well and stay hydrated: keep a drink at hand, as well as lots of healthy snacks you can eat with one hand (while holding baby in the other!)
• Get some exercise and fresh air: even if you simply stand on your back porch for 10 minutes, the fresh air will do you good. If you’re up for it, take a short walk around your neighborhood with baby in a sling or stroller. Baby may sleep longer, and it may be easier for you to rest afterwards.
• Be gentle on yourself: let go of rules and expectations about life with baby. You’re just learning – even if you have older children, this baby has a completely new personality you need to learn.
• Remember your relaxation exercises: if you took a childbirth class and learned breathing exercises or other forms of relaxation, practice them now, too.
• Communicate with your partner: don’t let small resentments flourish. Instead talk about anything that’s bothering you.
• Find peer support: find a mom and a baby playgroup, a breastfeeding support group, or just go to the park or library children’s department and make the effort to talk to other moms.
• Get help: whether you need help with housekeeping, baby care, depression, or breastfeeding, find the right support person. Your childbirth educator, lactation consultant, midwife or obstetrician are all good sources of information for what’s available in your community.

Most of all trust yourself and enjoy your baby! You don’t have to get everything ‘right’ – parenting isn’t a test. Pretty soon things will start to settle into a more predictable routine, and those early days and weeks will be a blur you look back on with fondness.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

If anything is certain, it’s that life will never be the same once your baby arrives. All of a sudden, you’ll have this whole other person who depends on you, and who loves you unconditionally. Being a parent changes so much, and makes you feel emotions you didn’t know existed before. But, that’s not to say it’s all rose-tinted and easy. Far from it, in fact, life with a newborn baby can be really tough, and it’s always best to be prepared.

What is sleep?
You might think, at nine months pregnant, that you are the most tired you will ever be. The huge bump, the heat, the constant need to wee, and the backache are probably stopping you getting a good night’s sleep. Add to this the worries about impending parenthood, and it’s not wonder you’re exhausted. The tiredness of a new parent is so much more than that though. Newborn babies are pretty much nocturnal, so you’ll be spending a lot of restless nights looking after your new baby. Don’t worry though, you will cope. Just remember, it won’t last forever. Sleep when your baby sleeps, and don’t over do it. If you’re too tired for guests, say so. It’s more important that you feel well rested and able to care for your baby.

The crying
The sound of your newborn baby crying will be one of the most awful sounds you’ll ever hear. It will send you into panic mode, your breasts will start leaking and you will become focused on how to stop the cries. Sometimes a simple cuddle or a quick feed will suffice, but other times it may feel like there is nothing you can do to stop the crying. Cuddle, rock, feed, sing, walk or drive around – try anything you can to soothe your newborn child.

Breastfeeding woes
Breastfeeding, while natural and wonderful, can also be sore at the beginning. This takes many new mums by surprise, and can leave them feeling upset and like a failure. Rest assured, you’re not a failure. Most new mums struggle with breastfeeding. If you’re finding it painful, or are struggling to get the correct latch, or simply feel worried about breastfeeding, speak to a professional for help. There are so many trained volunteers and specialists ready and waiting to help you with any breastfeeding problems.

Goodbye me time
For the first few weeks at least, you will struggle to get some time to yourself. You will have unruly eyebrows, unpolished nails and you’ll have no idea what’s been happening on your favourite TV show. Don’t worry though, you will eventually regain some of your me time. In the meantime, ask your partner to help out by looking after the baby while you take an hour or so to relax. Have a bath, read a book and just generally enjoy using your arms again.

Slow and steady
Everything takes a lot longer when you have a newborn to look after. Simple tasks like cooking dinner, cleaning the house and sorting out the clean laundry, can take seemingly endless amounts of time. You will struggle to get things done with a newborn. It’s worth preparing for this in advance. Stockpile your freezer full of pre-cooked meals that you can heat up in a hurry. Try to have the house organised before the baby arrives, hopefully your nesting instinct will help you out there, so that you don’t have lots of tidying to do before your guests arrive. Guests won’t mind a messy house, they’ll be distracted by the beautiful newborn anyway so don’t waste time tidying when you could be snuggling your new baby.

Help me
If you need help with the house, or you need someone to look after your baby for an hour while you have a shower, just ask. Your friends and family will be only too happy to help out in return for a couple of cuddles (from the baby, not you). Try to make it to mother and baby groups, so you can socialise with other new mums who know exactly what you’re going through. It’s important to have a support system on hand in those early months.

Do you have any advice to add, to help soon-to-be-mums prepare for life with a newborn?

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2015. All rights reserved.