Two Parents with Two Opinions

You’re pregnant, yay!  You and your spouse couldn’t be more excited. But suddenly as the conversations have shifted to child rearing and future plans, you realize that the two of you don’t see things quite the same. For instance, while your husband is already talking about your son becoming a linebacker, you are dreaming of raising a son that is everything but cliché BOY! And while you’re thinking about how the crib is going to fit in your bedroom, your partner says “NO WAY! The baby is sleeping in his room.” Two parents with two opinions about the best way to do things.

The clash of ideas and opinions about child rearing is extremely common among new parents. It starts during pregnancy, and can sometimes overshadow the joy and excitement you feel about having the baby as you wonder (and worry) how you and your spouse are going to be able to agree on anything when it comes to the baby. Is this a sign of things to come?

The reality is that few people have in-depth conversations about how they feel about things such as religion, or allowance, or the family bed, or desserts before dinner BEFORE they have kids. And, the way we were raised is never fully revealed until we start thinking about children of our own. These differences, also referred to as inherent differences, don’t have much room in our lives before we are actually faced with child-rearing. So although you may be surprised at how much you and your partner disagree, you shouldn’t be alarmed. Most couples have vastly different ideals about parenthood in the months prior to the baby being born.

It is also important to realize that everything you think you know about raising a child, and everything you think you will do when you have your own kids – means nothing until you actually have the baby. No matter how much you swore you would never do this or that, the actual baby has a way of changing all that. For instance, even though you and your partner may be butting heads about the best way to wean a baby NOW while you’re pregnant, the reality is that you don’t really know which bridge you will cross until you get there. So settle down just a little: You and your partner are not doomed, or headed for trouble because you seem to be disagreeing on a few things.

Two parents, with two opinions is natural. And, having differing opinions about things enables us to see there is more than one way to do things. Just because you are the MOM and he is the DAD doesn’t mean that one of you is better equipped or smarter when it comes to child rearing. When the conversations arise where the two of you disagree, the best thing to do is simply allow yourselves to get there when you get there. After all, you needn’t be arguing about the perfect age for your daughter to date, when your daughter hasn’t even been born yet.

Time has a way of changing things and you will realize that most things work themselves out in time. Cherish your pregnancy, and if you really want to have fun – write down all the things you swore you would and wouldn’t do, so when your child is a teenager you can look back and realize just how wrong you were. About everything. 🙂

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

Team Health & ParentingTwo Parents with Two Opinions

Comments 10

  1. MrsM

    My husband and i have had a few disagreements on the way we will do things once the child is here. But i think its good to hear his ideas and he hears mine (even tho i think im right) lol its all part of raising a child together. Im still 6 months away from giving birth but i love our discussions, i love that he cares and is interested in all the little things.

  2. Jenny

    I recommend reading the book, Love and Logic, Magic in the Early Years. Reading it as a couple before our first baby helped us not only to realize how much we agreed on as far as parenting, but it’s nice to get advice from an expert who shares all kinds of parenting situations you’ve never even thought about. We use the techniques every day with our toddler, and we love it. The book is on parenting from birth to age six, so it’s very helpful for anyone pregnant now, even if it’s not your first (we’re pregnant with our second, and I plan to read it again just for a refresher).

  3. Julia

    Great article! Just a few days ago me and my husband had an argument of where to place the changing table. I am only 3 months pregnant and we don’t have a changing table yet 😀 in the end we didn’t agree on anything but just wasted a lot of energy and an evening for arguing. I hope in future we will become wiser and will avoid to fight on such small problems before they even arise

  4. alma

    My husband and I have two different opinions about the way to raise our baby. however , we agree on all the previous points regarding the baby ..

  5. Jayne

    My husband and I are expecting our second baby. It is so true that our first time around, there was a lot we disagreed on. We seemed to have differing opinions about everything! However, it has been said that intelligent beings have differences in opinion. The trick is to keep things peaceful. Two things that helped us: “Baby Makes Three” by John Gottman was a wonderful resource for navigating the changes that come into your marriage with a new baby. Second, our religious similarities give us a common end goal to shoot for. Even if the path we take toward those end goals isn’t paved exactly as each of us previously thought, it makes a works of difference to know the destination is still the same.

  6. Lila

    Rosy, I think if anything this article points out the positives of having a single pregnancy (believe me there are some positives!) I was single for my previous pregnancy and first 3 years and making decisions to suit myself, like the baby name, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, no fight over who has to wake up in the night/ do stuff for the baby etc. Now that I have differing views with my partner I feel inclined to just do what I want like last time but have to be respectful of his role as well…

  7. Annette

    @Rosy – I agree that there should be more articles that apply to every situation. But for your own saniety, just don’t read the ones that might make you upset! For instance, there is a lot of articles on miscarraige and loss. Those are the last ones that I’d read because they would make me upset.

    On a side note, why aren’t the articles more tailored to your pregnancy week? I feel like I’m reading things way too early or late in my pregnancy.

  8. Rosy

    Needs to more aimed for single parents too as this is really upsetting to read everyday. Im 23 and I have been abandoned with my baby and there is no worse feeling than reading and seeing that you should be in a pair. I know that, cry every time.

  9. Daniela

    When it comes to the position of the crib I was the one to decide. I’m the one with the milk maschine, so I’m the one who has to get up in the middle of the night. Now the baby is born my husband doesn’t even wake up when she’s crying at night. And he’s got a light sleep.