Will Pregnancy Help Your Marriage?

You often hear about couples who are having problems, and then find out that they are suddenly pregnant. ‘Wow,’ you think – they sure settled their problems quickly.  Or did they? Recently, the Wendy Williams Show did an episode interviewing women who admitted that they had ‘tricked’ their significant others, hoping that having a baby together would solidify and improve their relationship. Most of the women on the panel agreed that the baby did not help the relationship, and in actuality, made things much, much harder.

So will pregnancy help your marriage?

This is not something that women talk about openly. If you want a baby and your spouse doesn’t, or you are having relationship issues and feel that a baby might stick you and your partner together like Velcro, you aren’t apt to tell your friends your plans. But, we all know it happens.

The reality is that having a baby does bind two people together for the rest of their lives.  But if the relationship is rocky, unhappy, or unhealthy going in – the baby is not going to act as a fix-all.  In fact it may only complicate issues.

Consider just how expensive, and how time consuming having a baby is. Then multiply that times 10.  Your entire life will likely change in many ways. The added responsibilities and pressures of raising children can often become a point of discontent among happy parents. Having a baby, and raising a child with someone certainly exposes many things about the other person that you may have never known otherwise. And it can take a lot to work through the new parenting woes, to find a happy medium and to agree on what is best for the baby.

Suffice it to say that a baby will not make your relationship easier. And, if you and your partner are already encountering some serious issues, tying yourself to this person on purpose, for the remainder of your life, can set you up for a life long battle of the wills and wits.

Plus, having a baby – in a perfect world – should be a mutual decision. It isn’t fair for a man or for a woman to ‘trick’ their partner into having a baby – or purposely make a ‘mistake’ during sex in the hopes that a pregnancy will result. This can set up deep resentment that will not just hurt you, your partner, your relationship – but ultimately, your child to be, too.

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Team Health & ParentingWill Pregnancy Help Your Marriage?

Comments 17

  1. Evy

    To Amy San Tia

    You should not luk dore that kind of thing.
    The army has always been part of his life, it is his work and it will always be. It will be necessary to nurture and nourish this child.
    The pregnancy hormone plays naughty tricks with emotional and psychological ratings.
    You should enjoy the moments of solitude to caress your belly by thinking positively to your baby and giving him the best chances.
    It is not obvious to a man to understand what you are passing, only a woman can.
    Is looking for a woman’s association or a help calling number for single person but will not take life to your baby for so little!

  2. Amy San Tia

    I recently found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant (unplanned) and it’s been so hard for me with the nausea and everything that ghe first trimester brings. My partner is a soldier and had to be away from work for 5 weeks a day after we going out. At first it was exciting because it felt like we were in this together (and he was super excited showing affection and concern) until he went away and all I would get is a 10 minute call everyday blaming it on being busy and poor signal. At one point I told him that he shouldn’t contact me anymore and I would just get rid of the baby and move on because it felt like I was in this alone. I care about this guy but I personally feel that a baby is a joy two people should share in and right now there’s no joy but rather a building hatred. Worse thing is I have no friends to confide in or anyone for that matter except him and he can’t ever be there for me. I feel like I’m losing my mind and that I should call up the clinic but I know if I do get rid of it I would want nothing to do with this guy… Plesse help me !!

  3. Johana santiago

    Hi,tiana,try to take things slowly I know is not easy you been through a lot,thinking to have another baby I think is to soon,you have to take care of you firts, get energy and emotionally be restored,I think that what happened with the miscarriage obviously have affected your husband,mens are hard to express their feelings,I don’t think he don’t love you,I think that emotionally he is suffering,try to talk to him and if is necessary both can get professional help.take care and Gblss…

  4. Tiana Rose

    I have just lost my baby two days ago at 6 weeks. The hospital have me booked in for 10 days time to see if they can find the baby or a heartbeat as they say it’s too early and the baby is too small to see right now. I feel personally from the amount of blood and clots I lost (some seemed like flesh sorry if that’s too much) and the fact my tender breasts are no longer tender of that much swollen this is all telling me the baby has gone. My partner and I were so happy when I found out I was pregnant, we both wanted this and it was a planned pregnancy we just didn’t expect it to happen do fast.

    I felt like my world was perfect until I woke up covered in blood and had to get to the hospital. My partner went on to work and left me to do all this on my own. I couldn’t understand him doing this. I feel he is a bit distant with me now, he’s just not the same person and I’m questioning does he even love me. I want to try again for another baby, he said if I wanted to then we could but with his change towards me I don’t know if I’m going to ne making a bad choice or if I am imagining this change because my hormones are going crazy and I feel alone. Can you guys give me some advice? I realise I’m posting in a pregnancy app and since two days ago I probably don’t belong here anymore but I just can’t bring myself to delete this and what my baby’s progress would have been. I there is even a slight miracle my baby is still alive I’m holding on to it. It’s just my body doesn’t feel pregnant anymore but if anyone has been through his and went on to still have their baby please please get in touch. I would love to hear your story xxx

  5. Liz

    My husband and I met Oct 7, 2008, Dec 30, 2009 our first son was born, our love has been incredible, 3 years later sep 2012, son #2, and still going strong, we are now expecting #3. My husband travels and is home maybe 10 days out of the month. Im appreciative of his hard work and generousity he has always shared with me. I never complain because there is no reason to be upset, I have found that being supportive and a manager for our home keeps charm among us. He turns over his entire salary to me and i always make sure to cover our living expenses and manage to always save. Trust, honesty, considerate, supportive is what keeps our ❤strong

  6. Michelle

    Comments for this article have been temporarily closed by Team Health & Parenting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

  7. Altagracia Lajara

    Omg, this is unbelievable.
    ERICA,
    You have the right to post whatever you want on any application. It is sad that instead of been supportive, encouraging and understanding some of you are been bullies. Is not ok for you to feel bad or any other way. But I can advise you to talk to him and see where is he standing. Communication is the key to any relationship. Be strong, take it easy and relax. You are pregnant so you don’t need that stress. For the rest of you who are here to be assholes. If you have nothing nice to say, what about just not saying anything have a great afternoon.

  8. Melody R

    Erica, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I wanted to reach out to you. I honestly doubt he’s lost all interest in you. He may be worried about being a father, worried about the future, just unsure of how to proceed in his relationship with you now that you two are having an unexpected baby together. Be patient, talk kindly about your worries, and don’t be afraid to get marriage or intimacy counseling. What you’re going through right now isn’t weird or or bizarre. It’s not uncommon to lose some intimacy at times throughout a relationship. Ups and downs are normal. What matters is how the two of you work through it.

  9. Anna

    Children should not be used as pawns or means to keep someone. I’ve seen too many families, children, and people suffer because of such a selfish act. I just hope that these children do not suffer emotionally and psychologically. Children deserve the best upbringing, love, and care.

    My husband and I dated 11 years before tying the knot at ages 31 (we dated right out of high school). He didn’t want children right away, and I’m glad we patiently waited, had our fun, and decided to start trying later on. Within five months I fell pregnant and here I am. My husband is so happy and excited. It makes me happy to think that he’s awaiting this child impatiently instead of being “dragged through the mud. ” a child is a joint decision ..

    Hope all of you happy pregnancies!!!

  10. erica lugo

    My boyfriend and I have only been together for 6 months and this baby was not planned (but not a misteak). At first he wanted me to get rid of it but I don’t have the heart to do that,so now he has accepted it and is very supportive but will not touch me intimately, is it me that he lost interest in? I’m really hurt and confused about this!!!
    Please help

  11. Keyaira

    IM CURRENTLY PREGNANT WITH MY 3RD BABY BUT THE FATHER OF MY CHILD THIS IS HIS FiRST BABY..B4 I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS KIND OF ROCKY ..BUT WHEN I FOUND OUT IT TOOK US TIME TO ACTUALLY COME TOGETHER AND COMMUNICATE BUT NOW IM GOIG ON 3 MONTHS NOW AND THINGS ARE GOING WELL..UNTIL I HAVE MY MOOD SWINGS..AND AT TIMES ITS FUSTRATED CAUSE HE DONT UNDERSTAND ABOUT PREGNANCY YET ( FIRST CHILD ) AND IT CAUSESE TO BE FUSTRATED WITH HIM.

  12. Asia

    If y’all having problems,
    Just leave,
    I rather be Single with my Baby Happy,
    Than
    Married or Just in a Relationship
    & Unhappy.

  13. Erica

    Ready this blog really broke my heart . I was told my doctors i had a 99% chance i couldnt have children . Even thought the guy i was seeing we were being careful , that one time it slipped our mind i fell pregnant . The hardest part about this was he already gotten another girl pregnant months just before he met me . Instead of building our relationship , me falling pregnant too has cause a lot of stress not only on him but on me too . So far we are keeping my pregnancy from his family and the other woman .. i have no one to blame but myself. That 1% chance .. i fell pregnant. Dont get me wrong .. im so grateful and so blessed i did fall pregnant .. but i didnt think my first child would be to a man who already has kids . I want to share my life with someone whos in the same path as me . Truely confusing relationship .. but i guess i gotta take each day as it comes now …

  14. Dominique

    People may not realize it but books can actually hold a lot of power when you use them correctly. Anyone who is trying to work on their relationship can try a few I have personally read or been recommended.
    Please note some may be ‘religious ‘ based. .. that does not mean you have to be to read them or take the lessons from them.
    *Get married, stay married by Paul and Billie-kay Tiska (their personal story of the struggles of marriage and dealing with/working through infedelity) personally read this one and it changed the way I look at marriage all together now for the better. My marriage has never been stronger and I owe and lot to this one book.
    *The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman
    *Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson eggerichs
    *fit to be tied by hybels
    *communication, sex and money by cole
    *just for men
    *just for women
    books not directly related to relationships but can help just the same on a more personal level of self help
    *developing the leader within you by John maxwell
    in fact.. just look up all books by John maxwell as he has too many to list on here.. by developing your own leadership or communication skills any of his books can lead to a healthier relationship. I think I have read about 5 in the past year alone…
    more books anyways…..
    *boundaries by cloud and Townsend
    *Generation iY by Tim Elmore (only found online so far.. spelling of the title is important) this book talks about raising up a better next generation while addressing issues and providing solutions to personal or our parents personal parenting styles. Please do not take offense to that statement! It is meant to help you discover EXACTLY what kind of parent you want to be and how to overcome issues you may be having in a very gentle yet productive way. Every parent knows what is best and how to raise their child the best way they can with the knowledge they have. This book simply gives you a broader knowledge base to pull your personal parenting style from.
    And the last book I will mention
    *parenting with purpose by Paul and Billie-kay Tiska. The sequel to go after their marriage book.

  15. Dominique

    I feel that you defiantly made the right move Amy. The only thing that will keep a marriage strong is communication and honesty. I have personally witnessed accidental pregnancies that forced couples to stick through it for the child’s sake… only to have things turn for the worst when the child reaches about age 5. Sometimes this CAN be a blessing in people’s lives.. sometimes it is just the opposite. One of the 3 ppl tried working on their relationship to give it one last go and she in fact did trick him into birthing another child. The second is about 2 now and the problems are all still the same. Another couple got pregnant by accident and are doing the same.. trying one last time to see if it works but he is smarter than to let that happen to him again. And the third couple that got pregnant by accident was a first time intercourse after 1 month of dating.. he stepped up to the plate and both knew that communication and unity as a couple were the only thing that were going to make a long term relationship work. Their daughter is now 5 and they plan on marrying soon. In the process of buying a home together and plan on a second child as soon as they purchase their new home.

  16. Amy

    It’s so sad for everyone involved that some women “trick” their partners into pregnancy. It seems like tge ultimate betrayal (besides cheating).

    I thought I was ready to have a baby as soon as we got married, but my husband wasn’t ready, so I waited patiently. Finally, when I was nearing 29 (almost 4 years into marriage), I told him I wanted to start trying on my 29th Bday, so we could have two kids well before I turned 35. My husband agreed and we were fortunate enough to get pregnant right away. Other women told me I should have just “tricked” him and stop taking my birth control years earlier, but I really wanted him to be ready & excited, which he was.