How Pregnancy Loss Changes You

It is estimated that nearly 6 out of 10 women experience some form of pregnancy loss in their life. Some, may not have even known they were pregnant while others knew and celebrated wholeheartedly only to be heartbroken. The reality is that whether you are trying to conceive, or conceived by accident, the loss of a pregnancy is real. In fact, it is the loss of a dream for many, and is not just the loss of a pregnancy – but the loss of a life that is felt.

Recovering can be painful. Most people don’t know what to say to you, and even if they did – it is likely they wouldn’t make you feel any better. As your body goes through the changes of being pregnant to not being pregnant, there is an avalanche of hormones that can make your emotions feel even more out of control. And often, knowing that you are not alone is not much of a consolation prize. Each woman processes pregnancy loss differently, but one thing remains the same. The little life that was inside of you changes you. And he or she had lessons to teach you, and he or she will always be part of your life whether you knew about him or her for 2 weeks or 2 months.

At the end of the day, pregnancy loss changes you, changes who you are.

For one thing it can change your outlook and optimism. Even though the odds are in your favor that your next pregnancy will go off without a hitch, you lose that spring in your step and your eternal optimism after such a large loss. It is normal for your next pregnancy to be outlined with worry and underlined with a constant hint of anxiety. We try to save ourselves from ever feeling that loss again, and put up protective mechanisms to ‘prepare’ us and keep us from ever being ‘too’ excited. We become careful and calculated and often fearful. The only thing you can do is do your best to stay focused on the positive in your life.

It also changes how we feel about ourselves. Typically women go through a gamut of emotions from shame and embarrassment to humiliation and denial. For many women, telling all the people who knew about the pregnancy that they were no longer pregnant was one of the hardest things to do. Not because others would be judgmental or mean, but because they may have felt like their own bodies had failed somehow. It can take many years to come to grips with the feelings about yourself and your body.

It also changes what we take for granted. As any deep loss does, pregnancy loss is no different. As humans, it is often through our pain and our losses that we grow the most – and yet this is one of the most painful ways to grow.

Anger can become a constant companion as well. At least for a while. When you lose a baby, it’s easy to become angry at everyone who has one, every pregnant woman that you feel is less deserving than you were, every woman that you see somehow can become a reminder of your loss and it is natural that it makes you angry. Even so, at some point – you have to let go of that anger in order to truly live and breathe again. But it does take time.

Pregnancy loss is different for every woman. One thing however, remains the same and that is that we have to embrace the changes and the full circle of our emotions. We have to find someone we trust to talk to about our feelings and allow ourselves to grieve and feel. None of what we feel is wrong along the way, none of what we feel is something to be ashamed of. It is part of us. And we owe ourselves the time and space to truly feel our emotions so that we can recover wholly. Even so, the loss – will have changed some aspect of who you are. The best we can hope for is that through the experience, we learn something positive that we can take forward in our lives as something to build upon.

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

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Maggie H
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Maggie H

My husband and I lost our first born, a baby girl who was stillborn at 42wks. There was no reason behind it, and it changed us forever. Being currently pregnant with our rainbow baby boy, we are very apprehensive and fearful of what will happen this time around. All the feelings are valid but the hardest part for us was coming home empty handed with an empty car seat. A home that felt so empty an a nursery door that stayed closed for about a month. That day we went in there we spent 90% of it crying. Support groups… Read more »

Shelby Bowes
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Shelby Bowes

I lost my daughter at 18+3 weeks in March 2011.. Its definitely changed me and my outlook. Her big brother was the hardest to break the news too he 8 at the time :'( I’m currently expecting my rainbow 19+5.. This pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions xx finding the positives can be hard, but i try to everyday.. Love to all those who have suffered a loss

Jennifer
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Jennifer

This article is very well written. Thanks for writing it.

Christine
Guest
Christine

I’ve had 3 miscarriages, of which the last was twins. Psychologically it has damaged me more than I care to admit, and I am not the same person that I was prior to that.
I am blessed in the fact that before all this, I had a healthy baby boy who is about to turn 10.
I know that without him, I would be in a much darker place than I am now.
Stay strong ladies!!!

Maferg01
Guest
Maferg01

This is very well said. I lost my pregnancy at 10 weeks finding out at my first dr appointment that I didn’t have a heartbeat and had to follow up with a D&c. This was a very tough time. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose a baby that had been carried to term.

Vanessa
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Vanessa

This article does hit home for me, I had an eptopic pregnancy at 16 weeks. They had to surgically remove the baby. The doctors told me that after this I might have more pregnancies like this because of my damaged Fallopian tube. This article is right about being mad or angry when you see other people have babies, but I have learned to be happy for them. It’s nobody’s fault, and it doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop trying. Babies are beautiful.

Amy
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Amy

I lost my daughter at 34.5 weeks I am currently pregnant at 10 weeks 4 days I can’t even begin to feel excited. Grieving is a strange thing one minute angry the next crying. My daughter was born on the 1st of September so it wasn’t long ago. She was called eryn grace health 5.2 lb but I have to tell myself that the next baby is never going to replace her just become another part of my life and heart.

Brittany
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Brittany

Its been a month an 5 days since I got the devastating news. I was 26 weeks pregnant when I gave birth to my son Gabriel Zane, the only explanation I have been given was that his umbilical cord was badly twisted and was tight around his belly button. I didn’t have the perfect pregnancy but I had no complications. This has been the worst nightmare for me and my fiancee he was our first and only baby, we waited a very long time to try for a baby and he was taken in an instant. I feel so lost… Read more »

Nicole
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Nicole

I’m praying for all of you ladies to find peace and closure. I can not begin to imagine what you all must have gone through. All 3 of my sister-in-laws have experienced losses, so I have always had this fear in the back of my mind something will go wrong or I’ll jinx the pregnancy in some way. This was a twin pregnancy and one vanished. I never grieved the loss, but it has definitely kept me from being truly excited about the healthy baby. I feel too guilty to be excited. I’m not even sure if that makes any… Read more »

Lisa
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Lisa

I was 7 weeks pregnant with my first child. Iam 42 and did not use any IVF or fertility drugs. It was a blessing that I conceived. We will probably try in 2 months once my body has had a chance to heal..

Erin
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Erin

this article really hits home. I am currently 11 weeks and lost my isabella this past August. She was born sleeping at 41 weeks and it has been the hardest struggle I have ever faced. This article really hits the nail on the head about a pregnancy loss. I wouldn’t wish my pain and sorrow on my own worst enemy. Prayers for every mama who has dealt with this

Sara
Guest
Sara

Perfectly written article. On July 29th I lost a pregnancy at about 7 weeks. We had been trying so hard to conceive after our first daughter turned one, and we were over the moon when we actually got pregnant. The loss was so hard for me. I felt like I had done something wrong. After a few more months I became pregnant again and am currently 10 weeks 5 days. Yesterday was the first time we got to see this baby on an ultrasound, and it was exciting, but I can’t help but worry all the time because of our… Read more »

Melissa
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Melissa

Nicely written article, a good summary of the trauma surrounding miscarriage. I lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks and am now 10+6 into my second pregnancy. The worry casts a strong shadow, but I did relax a bit once I passed the point when the miscarriage happened, and we were able to see (and even hear!) the heartbeat. Still, losing a pregnancy changed me forever. However I am feeling more optimistic now than I would have thought possible after the miscarriage.

Emily
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Emily

Hi,

I didn’t want to open my pregnancy app today to read about loss, especially given that I am only 10 weeks 5 days and that is still deemed as a sensitive period.

A beautifully written article through I am sure I just can’t read articles like this.

steph
Guest
steph

Really nice and true article.we lost our little Poppy last August at 24weeks. I am expecting our rainbow baby since 5weeks but our lovely daughter will always have a special place in our hearts. I m thinking to all of the mummy’s who have lost a baby as this is a heartbreaking experience that change you forever.

ifeoluwa
Guest
ifeoluwa

Pregnancy loss is a very painful thing for all women as I’ve experienced from my best friend who’s had 2 miscarriages, the current one just last year..we were both pregnant at the time although I was 2weeks earlier than she was..It was a devastating thing as we grieved together and it got me worried about my preg that time. I’m 38ks today and i and my husband is seriously expecting our little angel any moment from now as this is our first baby

Jess
Guest
Jess

this was a nicely written article. I have had two early miscarriages – the last one being twins and it is something you never put out of your mind. My husband and I just found out we’re pregnant again so we’re hoping things turn out differently this time.

candice
Guest
candice

I have suffered 3 loses tge first I had premie and had to watch her die as she just could not make it then an early miscarriage followed by a perfectly healthy pregnancy giving me my now 4 year old son. During that pregnancy I couldnt even come ti terms with being pregnant I was so aftaid of losing him. When he was born I felt whole finally and part of the ache in my heart healed. 3 years later I found out I was pregnant again and was ecstatic then found out it was twin girls. … even more… Read more »

Linda
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Linda

Thank you for this article which was as a relief to me. I was 11 week pregnant when I lost my baby. This was a disaster to me. I was desperate for this baby and have been trying to conceive for two years. I can’t forget how much I cried when I saw the two pink lines. I couldn’t believe it and went to the hospital for blood test which was positive. I was over the moon and couldn’t sleep that night. But happiness doesn’t last very long. The terrible moment was when I started bleeding but still had hope.… Read more »

candice
Guest
candice

This is to Linda. I am very sorry for your loss. And I know that diesnt really help your pain as I have been in your shoes. I tried for 3 years to get pregnant and I lost the baby at 11 weeks. Give yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally then try again. I did and my son is now almost 5. I will never forget that 1st little one but my son being born healthy brings me more joy then I have ever felt. It will happen for you too. In the mean time mourne all you… Read more »

Christine
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Christine

I lost my lil girl victoria 3 yrs ago I was 20 weeks pregnant I still hurt for her. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and scared af I want to enjoy being pregnant but now all I feel is fear, it’s so rough losing a baby…

lucy J
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lucy J

Thank you for the article about miscarriage even though I’m already scared out of my mind. This is exactly what a 10+5 pregnant woman want to read about!!!

Hilary
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Hilary

This article is beautiful! Thank you! I only wish I had found it sooner, right after my loss. If not for my son, I would never have gotten out of bed after my loss. It was the most devastating thing I ever experienced , and very few of those I usually lean on understood, including my husband & my mom. Someone to talk to & really understand is one of the most important helps toward healing.

Angels
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Angels

Thank you for this article almost 7 months ago I had my first misscarage at 2 months pregnant and it was really hard. I have 3 heathy girls and I was shocked that it happened to me. I am now almost 2 months pregnant again and I am scared to death. Even though this pregnancy is going very well. It is nice to read an article that portrays the real emotions.

Sharon
Guest
Sharon

i am 10+5 and already terrified I don’t think this is the kind of thing people want to read you’ve got to think about people who have never miscarried and on their first pregnancy it’s not nice to read at this time in pregnancy!!!

Michelle
Guest
Michelle

It’s like this app knows me. Just the other day i went to the doctor for the first time and at first they said i wad 10 weeks then they said i was 8. The doctor came in after the ultra sound and said that my baby probably won’t make it. The day after i couldn’t even eat anything i was so upset. This article helps. Thank you

Stacie
Guest
Stacie

I have two children and I’ve lost two. This article gives me some anxiety that the chance of miscarriage is still very real at 10 and a half weeks. My losses were both at 7 weeks. I’ve recently moved out of state for a new job and am in the in between stages on insurance. I have yet to get prenatal care. I did go to a clinic at 9 weeks and they confirmed a heartbeat via ultra sound. But this article has my stomach in knots :/

Deann
Guest
Deann

This article couldn’t be more true. Knowing so many other women go through it doesn’t make it any easier at all. The only people that know what to say or not to say are those who’ve been through it themselves. I myself am 10weeks 5 days with baby #6. My 1st was at 10 weeks in 08, then I had a beautiful little girl who is now 5. Then in March 2011 I was just finding out as I was miscarrying at 5 weeks. In March 2012 I was 16 weeks and lost my Angel baby due to a subcorionic… Read more »

Grace
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Grace

I’m not sure how i feel on this article

Rebecca
Guest
Rebecca

As lovely and helpful as this article probably is for women who have experienced a loss, I’m not sure this is an appropriate place to post it. The chat rooms and Google are already full of women and their very touching stories, you know the ones that scare the hell out of first timers.

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

This was a good read for me. My first pregnancy was perfect, I had a beautiful baby girl, we wanted to expand our family and were thrilled when we found out baby number two was on the way. I also found out my cousin was pregnate and she was a couple of weeks ahead of me. Then I started spotting but it didn’t stop after about a week I went to the hospital to get it checked and there I got to see my baby for the first and last time. I miscarried when I got home later that night.… Read more »

Emma
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Emma

Although this article is written beautifully and is full of good information and help/advice.
I personally don’t like opening my app today to read this. As I’m only 10+4 weeks pregnant and already scared/worried/paranoid and every little thing is scaring me, I now am even more scared. I haven’t had a scan or a heartbeat appointment yet so I’m petrified that I’m no longer pregnant.
I personally think this article should be on the message boards rather than a daily blog. No need to worry the worriers any more 🙂

Jaiden
Guest
Jaiden

As someone who was 9weeks and lost it before I ever got to see my beautiful baby, I had no one to tell me what to expect or to help me through the roller coaster of emotion. This article would have been wonderful help when I needed it and its definitely spot on I’m 10+5weeks today and I’m terrified of loosing this one as well.
Anyway thank you

Samantha
Guest
Samantha

im shocked to see ppl suggest this article should not have been added as some ppl have not been through a miscarriage!
So because some of us who are still suffering from a loss should not receive information on how to cope with a new pregnancy?!
We should not be left, just because ‘you’ are worried about a loss.
We have been through it so deserve supporting words like in this article. I thought it was beautiful

Elina
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Elina

I agree that you can’t leave out those who experienced the loss and are still going through this, because we are many, and we know many. Even if everything goes well for you, it might help to know what a woman who has lost feels, no matter how early or late during pregnancy, as you might meet one. The good thing is that those who read this article here have a little miracle inside, which might be a savior for those who lost before.

Laura
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Laura

I think this is terrible to have as a 10+5 it should have been put in sooner than now or after 12 weeks. I must admit I didnt read it ,probably a good well written piece just not something I want to read at this stage of my pregnancy!

Mikki
Guest
Mikki

Well written article, but I agree this should have been placed earlier. I have had 2 miscarriages both around 7 weeks and I think this would have helped me at the time. I am still a bit anxious of losing this one but because I have never got this far before I am feeling more confident. I think because miscarriages get lower in risk the further in you get then perhaps 7/8 week mark would have been better to have this. But then again you can’t please everyone.

Kerra
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Kerra

This article was much needed. My husband and I have been trying since we wed in September. In January we finally confirmed we were pregnant. I went in for my monthly checkup in February and the size hadn’t changed. I found out the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. It was heartbreaking because we told everyone. I had surgery shortly after and I was depressed, sad and angry. I lost faith because I didn’t understand how people who aren’t prepared get pregnant and have successful pregnancies. We had our first child out of wedlock and raising her was difficult. Neither… Read more »

Rachel
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Rachel

I’m sure this article was helpful to some but i just wanted to say this I had my son 3 years ago at 39 weeks he was stillborn. I grieved and still do I went through many emotions. I am now 11 weeks with my second child ams yes that worry is still in the back of my mind but I have found that worrying only makes you not enjoy tthe present. So I have learned miscarriages and stillborns are so very painful but enjoy the moments you have with the new baby even of its just in the womb… Read more »

Samii
Guest
Samii

Everyday I absolutely love reading the articles this app has to offer, today not so much. I have miscarried 4 years ago and I’ve never been the same. I hate anyone that has a child and always push myself away from having close friends. I think this app could have done with being earlier as all I’m going to wait for till next Tuesday (scan day) is that there’s something wrong. Whereas if it had been done more gently and earlier on I feel more people may be able to digest and put the info in a safe place. Maybe… Read more »

Kimberlyrose
Guest
Kimberlyrose

I was thankful to see this article today. I am a little annoyed at those complaining though. If you’ve never experienced a loss, that’s wonderful, but don’t say this shouldn’t have been posted because of that. For those complaining it should have been posted earlier, reality is that loss can occur at any time during pregnancy. I lost a baby at 12 weeks. All you that are complaining this article made you uncomfortable, you do realize you had the option not to read it right? No one made you click on the article, open it up and read it, you… Read more »

Meg
Guest
Meg

This article shouldn’t have been posted earlier at all! There is no specific time that loss occurs & this article is needed by many at all times during pregnancy. My son was stillborn at almost 42 weeks last October & I still get frustrated seeing posts about how you’re ‘safe’ after 12 weeks, etc. I know so many bereaved parents now through support groups & a baby has been lost at every stage of pregnancy. I’m currently almost 11 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby & the anxiety is with me 24/7. Thankyou for posting this!

Charli
Guest
Charli

When I first came across this article I thought “wow, this isn’t what I need to read right now at all!” Then reading the other ladies comments I understand that it is important to address the ones that have experienced loss and give them hope that everything will be alright and that they have people out there they can turn to! I am 10 weeks and 5 days into my first pregnancy and things like this are constantly on my mind, but you can’t spend the whole time worrying about it, you have to enjoy this time and this amazing… Read more »

Tabitha
Guest
Tabitha

I have had 2 miscarriages and am currently 11 weeks pregnant again. This is the best article I have read about pregnancy loss and explaining the constant fear that I am going to lose this baby too. I still struggle with the grief of my first two, and am afraid that if I let myself get too excited about this one. So many people do not understand the deep feeling of loss that comes when you lose a baby and the self hatred and depression that comes along with it. But for anyone out there who might be going through… Read more »

KaDa
Guest
KaDa

thanks for posting this! It puts my feelings into words… I lost 2 babies (week 10 and 13) and I fear it has changed me forever… I hope and wish everything is fine this time. And I deeply hope the same for everyone else reading this. Nobody should suffer the loss of a baby. No matter in which week! It simply breaks your heart…

lori
Guest

Last year I was 5 months pregnant with a baby boy we went in to find out his sex and find out a lot more he had a lot of Heath problems and I’m 10 weeks now and I pray everything is going to be OK with this one I try and stay positive but it’s hard I don’t want to fill that pain again

Heather
Guest
Heather

im 11 wks with my 3rd baby and i have fears that this pregnancy isnt going to go as smoothly as my previous two. my other kids pregnancy and labours were perfect therein is my worry if my pregnancies went so well whats to say this one wont. i feel like im the only one to feel like this and struggle to voice my feelings. im desperate for my dating scan to see for myself everything is ok. its got to the stange im thinking its a phantom pregnancy. its horrific. im glad this article is here help others to… Read more »

Lara
Guest
Lara

Personally for me, this is the worst thing to have today. I fell down the stairs a few days ago and am going for an early scan this morning to check everything is ok. I’m not so positive anymore!

Dana
Guest
Dana

This article was perfect, thank you for posting it. I’m absolutely shocked and disgusted by some of the comments on here though, such as ‘you’ve got to think of those of us who haven’t miscarried’ or ‘this shouldn’t have been posted today’ etc. Those are exactly the kinds of attitudes which make women who have experienced a pregnancy loss feel so alone and isolated. It’s incredibly selfish to kick up a fuss about just one article that has been written to help women like me, when the rest are all about normal pregnancies! If this isn’t what you needed to… Read more »

Jenika
Guest
Jenika

It his article explains a real life situation that so many women have to go through. It is a sensitive subject but it’s real life and someone needed to hear it. It’s good to understand, whether you’re currently going through it or not. I appreciated it. This is my first pregnancy so I have not had to go through miscarriage to this point. I have PCOS but, God willing, can carry this little life to full term. My cousin just miscarried at 8 months pregnant. That was horrible. People at work talk about disheartening things that are happening to women… Read more »